Lying to psychiatrist to stay out of the hospital.

[TooShyToScream]

I couldn't see my regular psychiatrist and had to see another one at the facility.

From my experiences, it's a standard question for them to ask if you want to kill yourself or not. But how honest can you be in that department without fearing you'll say something you'll regret? She asked if I thought about killing myself and I said yes, every day. She seemed shocked or something...I'm used to wanting to kill myself, so to me that answer is normal. I guess to other people, though, it's shocking. After that, I didn't want to tell her I had a plan (or several, for that matter) when she asked because she started bringing up inpatient care and asked if I thought I needed to go to the hospital.

Truthfully, all it would be is a waste of money because it won't fix me. And, not only that, I'd only panic being there because I won't be able to see my fiancee every day like I do now, and I can't handle that. I mean, it works for some people, but I'm not one of those people...however, they don't care about that, which means I have to lie about my true feelings to the doctor. Doesn't seem too fair.

 

[loser]

You have expressed this dilemma very clearly. For some people in certain states of depression hopsital is the best option because, if the hospital is okay, they feel safer there. But a lot of the time we just want to escape from hospital and its confines, people, noise, as quickly as possible and will say anything to get out. So it makes sense to say anything that will keep you out. The doctor, understandably, does not want to take risks if he or she thinks you might be suicidal. But it is always there. And some staff in mental health are so stupid and arrogant they make you worse. We just have to try and hang on to whatever it positive in our lives, and really try to work at it Sometimes situations get overwhelming and the mental health system is too bureaucratic too robotic. So it makes it hard to keep going and hang on to something. So do your best.
Good luck.

 

[Kiba]

Yea.. to some people the suicidal ideation can become chronic even if they really wont act on it.. Just happens to some people I guess.. Least I was told it can. :dunno: But if you really feel you need the help, go see your fiance or find a way to be safe. I'm sure your fiance at least would miss you if you killed yourself. Please take care of yourself and take care!

 

[TooShyToScream]

I mean I want to do it all the time, like I said. But I wouldn't unless I felt like I had a real reason, which hasn't happened yet. Sometimes something happens and I feel like I'm going to hurt myself, but the feeling passes before I act on anything or decide to go to the hospital. But just for my regular every day suicidal feelings, it's just not worth it.

 

[solutions]

Hospitals are just for stabilization. They keep you there until it's determined that you're no longer a crisis. You don't sound like you're in a crisis, just that you suffer from chronic suicidal ideation that waxes and wanes. That's still outpatient territory. So I don't think a hospital would be necessary for you at this point, and I think the majority of clinicians would agree.

 

[TooShyToScream]

Hospitals are just for stabilization. They keep you there until it's determined that you're no longer a crisis. You don't sound like you're in a crisis, just that you suffer from chronic suicidal ideation that waxes and wanes. That's still outpatient territory. So I don't think a hospital would be necessary for you at this point, and I think the majority of clinicians would agree.

Well I was just afraid that if I told her I had plans, she'd determine otherwise because by the looks of her after I said I thought about it every day, it was as if she thought I would try to kill myself right there and then.

 

[wheresmysheep]

They usually look liek that, sure i got a funny look when i attempted in january, as if it was just the other week. and that i was still on the brink of attempting.
be honest as possible with your psychiatrist. is the way to get the best help and faster way to get help

 

[TooShyToScream]

They usually look liek that, sure i got a funny look when i attempted in january, as if it was just the other week. and that i was still on the brink of attempting.
be honest as possible with your psychiatrist. is the way to get the best help and faster way to get help

Well my whole point was that I don't think honesty is always the best policy in this case. What they think might help might actually make things worse. I know that they rarely make people go against their will, but it does happen. But basically, only you know what's best for you in the end, not other people.

 

[RSKS]

Well I was just afraid that if I told her I had plans, she'd determine otherwise because by the looks of her after I said I thought about it every day, it was as if she thought I would try to kill myself right there and then.

The assessment has three aspects - ideation, plan and intent. You may have ideation, a vague plan and no intent. This is not an automatic ticket to the hospital. Instead, it's an indication of where you are cognitively and emotionally, and your psychiatrist should know about it.

I aologize in advance if this sounds harsh, but I'm going to be direct. You say the hospital will not help you. How do you know? If you know what will help you wouldn't you have already done it? Your psychiatrist is an expert, someone whose judgment you shoudl trust. If you don't trust it, get another psychiatrist. I can tell you though that if someone said to me that I could work toward getting rid of something I've suffered with for years by spending a few days (or even a few weeks) in the hospital I would jump at the chance.

Psychiatry and psychology would be infinitely more effective if everyone were injected with truth serum before sessions - doctor and patient. I'll bet psychiatry was very effective in that Invention of Lying movie.

 

[TooShyToScream]

You don't know my plan/s, so you can't say whether they're vague or not (though I assure you they're not...they're pretty creative and well thought out). As for intent, like I said, sometimes I have it but it goes away quicker than I can do anything about it. Or at least it has up to this point.

How do I know the hospital won't help me? Because the idea of it scares the shit out of me. If I wasn't in a relationship, I wouldn't care because I'd have no one to care to see. But being that I am in one, and being that I have BPD and severe attachment/abandonment issues, I can't spend a mere day without him and not be terrified and depressed out of my mind. Therefore, being in the hospital and making those feelings happen will only make it worse because regardless of how long I stay there, it won't be long enough to fix a personality disorder. That's how I know it won't help me.

 

[RSKS]

You don't know my plan/s, so you can't say whether they're vague or not (though I assure you they're not...they're pretty creative and well thought out). As for intent, like I said, sometimes I have it but it goes away quicker than I can do anything about it. Or at least it has up to this point.

How do I know the hospital won't help me? Because the idea of it scares the shit out of me. If I wasn't in a relationship, I wouldn't care because I'd have no one to care to see. But being that I am in one, and being that I have BPD and severe attachment/abandonment issues, I can't spend a mere day without him and not be terrified and depressed out of my mind. Therefore, being in the hospital and making those feelings happen will only make it worse because regardless of how long I stay there, it won't be long enough to fix a personality disorder. That's how I know it won't help me.

I understand that it scares the shit out of you, but that doesn't mean it won't be helpful. In fact, if you have such significant dependency issues that you are afraid to be away from your relationship, it would likely be very beneficial for you to be away, experience emotion, and learn how to get through it with the structure and support that a hospital can offer. You're right - it won't fix the issues, but it may be a kickstart toward fixing things.

 

[solutions]

This back-and-forth is great and all, but it's still Tanya's choice and hers alone.

I will add that the last time I saw my psychiatrist, he suggested I check in to a hospital. I push it with him. I tell him all about my suicidal impulses and urges, and the urgency I can feel when I'm not thinking straight. I am, unfortunately, prone to impulsive suicide, and it's an effort to snap out of the tunnel vision I find myself in sometimes. The feeling I get that says You have to kill yourself right now. So of course he's going to suggest the hospital, he wants me to be safe, and what I just told him suggested that I wasn't. And I wasn't lying when I told him I didn't think I was a threat to myself; life is easygoing now. But I did not check myself in, and I wasn't forced to. I am, however, eagerly awaiting my ECT consultation.

 

[LillMy8989]

That is just so much like me when I can't tell them really the truth what's been happening to me(suicide-thoughts), what to do? I'm not going back, and that is my word. I wanna be free else Im done, real done, Im sick of being suffocated...

Thing is, I dont want to live with this, the diagnosis is killing me both in and out and there's no cure for it, not ever. I will take my medication, but not only that is the problem, I will never be judged like a 'normal' human bean... Whenever I go like I do when I feel down, stressed, happy, nauseous...whatever... its so sad... I know its not my mothers fault, I dont blame her or any for doing something that could have 'caused' the way I am, 3 years old I was a goof and here am I... Nothing has changed.

Please listen to US!!!
See The Reality With Your EYES! DON'T BE BLIND!!!

:sad:

 

[TooShyToScream]

To RSKS, all I can say is that the only way you'd know how it feels is if you had Borderline Personality Disorder. A mere hospital stay wouldn't fix attachment issues because it wouldn't be long enough to do so. And a short period of time away from him would probably cause me to ruin my life. I am prone to leaving relationships when I feel threatened. It's my way of avoiding abandonment. And being away from him, would merely instill in my head the idea that he's probably been cheating on me the whole time even though he wasn't and I'd leave the relationship for no reason, and then attempt to kill myself afterwards. And I know I would because losing my relationship would be the perfect reason in my mind to do it.

Like I said, the only way you'd fully understand how this works is if you had the disorder. ANYTHING can heighten your fear of abandonment. Even the simplest things like me going to school or him going to work during the day. You just think that when you come back things won't be the same anymore, or that when you're gone they're doing something to hurt you. I fight these feelings every day as it is, and I've already made the mistake of trying to leave the relationship for very stupid reasons. And by doing so, I was leaving the only person who has ever cared enough about me to even try to understand my disorder and keep giving me second, third, and fourth chances. Thankfully, I haven't done so in a while. I think I finally learned not to give up on someone over an idea that I gave to myself or for unintentionally upsetting me...I don't need a reason to relapse (ie. engage in a hospital stay) and act on impulse yet again...because I wouldn't blame him if he stops giving me chances. And then all that would happen is I'd give up on life. I wouldn't move on because I was the one to decide to leave like most people who choose to leave relationships first do. Unlike most people, the only reason someone with my disorder would choose to leave someone is the reason that I've stated. To avoid being left first when you think you're going to be hurt, even when there is no real reason to think so.

Rocketpop, I know the "you have to kill yourself right now" feeling that you describe. And I would like to place emphasis on the words "have to". Sometimes shit happens that makes me feel like I don't have a choice anymore. Or rather, I do have a choice but that choice is to either die or be miserable my entire life. Sometimes I just don't feel like the negative things will go away. I feel like they'll be there forever and all I can do is give up. I'm not sure if that's at all similar to what you meant, but that's how I end up feeling at my worst moments. Though, to be honest, I'm not sure if I will actually attempt to place myself into a hospital when I get that feeling again, if it refuses to go away and I actually do need the hospital stay. But, in the end, it'll be my choice of whether I deem life worthwhile enough or not. Also, I wish you luck on your consultation.

 

[solutions]

I've decided to make this post a PM. It feels too off-topic to me to be in this thread. Sorry for the confusion.

 

[ParodoxialShadow]

To be honest, since you said it wasn't your normal therapist, I think you are right in lying to them. I am a strong advocate for telling all to your counselor, but I know firsthand that is you don't "click" with them, you're not going to share everything. Actually, in my case, you're not going to share anything at all. Oops.

Anyways, unless you need to see this person long-term, I don't think you should be too concerned. Often, we become used to our realities, and then when we tell someone about them, they are shocked. If you have a good relationship with them, though, and they know you better, they can understand better, and probably won't freak out instantly.

Anyways, definitely get back with your old therapist, provided you liked them. That really is key.

 

[RSKS]

To RSKS, all I can say is that the only way you'd know how it feels is if you had Borderline Personality Disorder. A mere hospital stay wouldn't fix attachment issues because it wouldn't be long enough to do so. And a short period of time away from him would probably cause me to ruin my life. I am prone to leaving relationships when I feel threatened. It's my way of avoiding abandonment. And being away from him, would merely instill in my head the idea that he's probably been cheating on me the whole time even though he wasn't and I'd leave the relationship for no reason, and then attempt to kill myself afterwards. And I know I would because losing my relationship would be the perfect reason in my mind to do it.

Like I said, the only way you'd fully understand how this works is if you had the disorder. ANYTHING can heighten your fear of abandonment. Even the simplest things like me going to school or him going to work during the day. You just think that when you come back things won't be the same anymore, or that when you're gone they're doing something to hurt you. I fight these feelings every day as it is, and I've already made the mistake of trying to leave the relationship for very stupid reasons. And by doing so, I was leaving the only person who has ever cared enough about me to even try to understand my disorder and keep giving me second, third, and fourth chances. Thankfully, I haven't done so in a while. I think I finally learned not to give up on someone over an idea that I gave to myself or for unintentionally upsetting me...I don't need a reason to relapse (ie. engage in a hospital stay) and act on impulse yet again...because I wouldn't blame him if he stops giving me chances. And then all that would happen is I'd give up on life. I wouldn't move on because I was the one to decide to leave like most people who choose to leave relationships first do. Unlike most people, the only reason someone with my disorder would choose to leave someone is the reason that I've stated. To avoid being left first when you think you're going to be hurt, even when there is no real reason to think so.

Rocketpop, I know the "you have to kill yourself right now" feeling that you describe. And I would like to place emphasis on the words "have to". Sometimes shit happens that makes me feel like I don't have a choice anymore. Or rather, I do have a choice but that choice is to either die or be miserable my entire life. Sometimes I just don't feel like the negative things will go away. I feel like they'll be there forever and all I can do is give up. I'm not sure if that's at all similar to what you meant, but that's how I end up feeling at my worst moments. Though, to be honest, I'm not sure if I will actually attempt to place myself into a hospital when I get that feeling again, if it refuses to go away and I actually do need the hospital stay. But, in the end, it'll be my choice of whether I deem life worthwhile enough or not. Also, I wish you luck on your consultation.

Tanya,

I know that this exchange may have felt that I was attacking you, or making simplistic suggestions without understanding. I want to assure you that this is not the case. The reality is that I care about everyone here (sounds kind of weird to say that about people on an Internet message board, but it's true). I want to see you get everything you need so that you can be happy.

I understand BPD, and understand that relationships can be difficult. I hope that you are working with a really good DBT therapist who can help you with some mindfulness and distress tolerance skills. My only point in my posts has been that people do want to help you, so let them. Sometimes what feels right to us isn't what is actually right. That's why you need to be working with someone that you can trust (although I recognize trust is a difficult thing). I hope all is well with you and wish you the best.

Mike

:Leiaha:

I don't know why, I just wanted to click on the dancing giraffe.