I was so miserable. I dedicated 5 years of my life to a woman who never loved me. Because of her, (actually my fault, not hers), I became hooked on ecstasy. I begged God to help me. I gave up everything secular, from my friends to my music. I was involved in 2 different churches for half a year. I was involved at least 4 to 5 days a week with the church. I prayed, stayed in bible, tried to change. Look at me now! I'm more miserable than ever, and went from one drug addiction to another. There's stacks of religious "self-improvement" books and texts littered around the floor of my room. I seriously contemplated suicide today. I crawled out of bed to examine to back of all the medicine boxes I could find. I was searching the internet for advice on how to end my life without pain. All I found out is that most suicide attempts fail and that there's no real way to end your life without pain. Oh great, so now I'm stuck here! I was at a restaurant today, and after eating, my friend and I walked into the parking lot. He noticed I was doing pretty badly, so he starts explaining how I should get a woman in my life. I go on to explain how a woman was the reason for the pain I was in and how the situation has turned me quite sexist. He makes an argument against what I was saying, and I even was starting to consider it. Then 2 drunk women come stumbling up to us and start trying to flirt with us. Exactly, it's like God was mocking me, as if to kick me while I was down. Thank you for letting me down, God. If this is how you treat people that tried to love you, I'd hate to be one of your enemies. Thank you for responding to my prayers with more failures. I moved across the country just to study your word. I was willing to give up everything, and this is how you repay me? Thank you for giving me a life I never asked for. Now all I ask is for you to help me end it, and now I can't? How is that just? I did so much for you, this makes me sick! You failed me, God! You let me down!