I want to be with him. And it makes me feel mad because he lives so far away, he's older, and he's married. He knows I exist but that's all I guess. My body aches from not being with him, and my soul hurts from being separated from him. If only I could tell him my real feelings I'm not sure I'll have the heart to. I can't tell his name, and won't, but can say that I love him, madly maybe. I fall asleep dreaming of him at night, romantic pictures of us together, or sweet making love with him. I have fallen for him slowly, months after month, and it makes years now. I'm not a child anymore. But my heart bouncing in my chest each time I see him makes me feel like one. So I keep that secretly for me. My Philes friends just think I like him. I joke around, when I want to burst into bitter crying. One person really knows now. An online friend, it did good to talk this over a little off my shoulders. I'm a hopeless romantic and will keep dreaming I guess. <3 you mister.