:mad: Why is this forum here?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by NomenNescio, Nov 3, 2010.

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  1. NomenNescio

    NomenNescio Account Closed

    Hello,

    Let me apologise from the beginning: I am pretty upset as the person who started this account is no longer alive.

    I have found this forum thread on his computer, it was bookmarked. And what puzzles me, is to find hundreds of threads here, with people moaning and crying that they want to die, yet the only thing they do is to gather and talk about doing so without actually doing so.

    This forum claims to be a help for suicidal people. Yet my boyfriend had a very, very specific question and nobody thought it was a question worth answering?

    http://www.suicideforum.com/showthread.php?t=87378

    I so wish he would've talked to me, and I know by reading his post he had the intention to. He just didn't know how. But why has nobody even shared their thoughts with him goes beyond me. It pisses me off!

    What is wrong with you people?

    E
     
  2. Ronny

    Ronny Banned Member

    You do have a point. I try and be positive and supportive but sometimes i look around on here and all i see is everyone really down and out and it in turn makes me really depressed as i worry about everyone.

    Still there are a few people around who try very hard to help the best they can!

    Sorry to hear about your boyfriend, i'm pretty new here and i have tried to help as many people as i could, i wish i could of helped him too but i guess that's no consolation now.

    hugs for what it's worth.
     
  3. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    Let me start off by saying how sorry I am for your loss, I personally didn't see this post at all, and I'm sure a lot of others haven't either.

    This forum is a place for support, a place for those who have nowhere else to turn, to come to and try and get the help they need. Sometimes people just don't know what to say, though, and this being a suicideforum, obviously sometimes people won't even know how to help themselves, let alone another person. I too, get annoyed sometimes, when I see someone posting a million times that they're going to kill themselves and yet they're still going to post for that million and first time, but then sometimes people just need to know others care, so they can carry on. It's a strange way of getting the attention they need, but it works, so each to their own.

    You'll find, if you look, that this is not the only thread to go unanswered, and there was a reply so that he knew someone was there for him, and if you look through my posts you'll see that my PM box is open to anyone. I tend to not chase people around to be told they don't want help, but instead, offer anyone my PM box if they want it. Others are like that, too, and every member knows that the admins are there for them no matter what.

    So I must ask you to not post such an insulting thing again. To accuse people on a forum like this as having something wrong with them is completely out of order and over the line. I understand why you'd be upset, but this is not the place to take out your anger. This is not an angry reply towards yourself, I just want to make sure the people on here don't get upset because of anybody's posts.

    I'm here if you need anything, I understand it must be hard to lose someone you care so much about. My PM box is always open.
     
  4. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

     
  5. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    Im so sorry for you loss, as the same above, I didnt see his post.

    Please try not to make the people on this site feel bad for the things in his life. We all struggle everyday with what he felt, sometimes we may have the words to try and make someone feel better and sometimes all we can do it read a post and feel for that person and understand what he was feeling.

    Depression and suicide play such a huge role in many lives, some find this site helpful and some find it makes them feel worse. Im so sorry that he didnt find the help that he needed, Im so sorry that he wasnt able to reach out to you.

    There are no words that will make this okay with you, I just want you to know that I do care, and Im sorry.
     
  6. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    This forum never claimed to be actual professional help, but mere support and as such no one should be held accountable for failure of actually helping someone else.

    You boyfriend was 37 years old. He indeed asked advice about a dilemma he had. But in the end, he's the one who has to make the steps. You can't possibly blame anyone here for your boyfriend's failure to take action. No matter the opinions or advices someone here might have end up giving him, I really doubt some strangers on the net will suddenly change his destiny.

    And someone did, replied to his thread.
     
  7. Ronny

    Ronny Banned Member

    I respect your opinion Confusticated. I don't think i can say what i want to say without it coming out wrong. I do realise this forum is for people who are seriously in need of help, i just wish there was more we could do as a whole to save people i guess.
     
  8. ThinkingCap

    ThinkingCap Well-Known Member

    Your frustration, your anger at the fact that your boyfriend is gone despite reaching out to this forum, despite (possibly) reaching out to you is completely understandable. I'm sorry you have to live through this, and I'm sorry you have to go through the grief and sadness. What's on the face of this forum is not indicative of it's entire effect.

    In general the people posting here (or on any forum for that matter) are only a small percentage of the people who read, or lurk. I post my responses for the person with the issue at hand, but also for the people who are reading and are either too nervous or too unsure to post themselves in the hopes that they'll read what I have to say and come away from it feeling better. Or more sure. Or that they'll reach out for help, and learn to live as their full selves again. Maybe I'm deluding myself into believe that what I have to say is more important than it really is, I don't know, but the point is that there is still a chance to help someone. If I can do that at least once, then I've made a difference. See, it's so easy to say to yourself that this is just a website, filled with a bunch of usernames and empty moaning. Depressed people who don't do anything with their lives other than whining on the internet-- then what does that make you to me?

    Every person posting on here has a reason for being here. This is what makes this forum different from a social forum, let's say. I know that anyone visiting this site is going through something difficult, and that they're struggling. Reading such a sad post as yours, and many others that I've seen here, only solidifies the suffering that other people are going through. Recognize that behind every username is a person who is going through a difficult time, even if what you're reading doesn't really seem "that bad" to you. Everyone has a different pain threshold, and our experiences either stretch or compress that threshold over time.

    I'll only speak for myself, but I'm sure this applies to many other people who post on here to give and take advice. I have read some threads that seem like too much. The person posting is going through too much pain for me to handle, or even begin to try to help them with. I'm scared to think that this can happen. I had to take a break form this site, in fact, because a lot of things on here were acting as triggers and I needed to get myself back to a stable state before I could come back. But it's difficult to know the right thing to say to someone, and the worst thing possible would be to say something that makes them feel worse. The thought that something I said, or could say, would push someone over the edge when I was trying to help is frightening, but for me, the belief that I'm sensitive enough to not do that is what pulls me back here. Does that make sense?

    This forum is for people who need help from other people who have been in the same mindframe, or who can empathize with how they're feeling. It's very easy to feel like a freak when you feel like dying while everyone else around seems to be absolutely fine. It's a very alienating experience. It's also a place to work out the reason to live with other normal people who don't have degrees in psychology and don't have an obligation to mince words. That's why I'm here, not because I'm actively suicidal, but because I'm not quite sure why I should live anyway. I can't get such a wide range of answers to this idea anywhere else than here, and everything I read I process through that lens. Why should I continue living? There, there's my reason for coming back, and if this site wasn't here, I'd be stuck feeling like a freak for questioning my existence as intensely as I do.

    I apologize for how rambling that response was, and I'm not quite sure I represented what I wanted to say very well, but there it is. I'm very sorry for what's happened, and I hope that things start to feel better for you soon.

    --ThinkingCap
     
  9. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    It's fine, I know you didn't mean bad by it. I understand exactly what you mean, it's sad that we can't always help everyone.
     
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm so very sorry for your loss E..
    I've also lost a loved one to suicide and I understand your pain..

    sometimes threads slip through the cracks so to speak...if it's been busy on here they can sometimes not even be noticed...happened to me a few times...
    I'm sorry this happened to your friend..*hug*
     
  11. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    It's not always easy to answer questions. I don't normally do much helping in the crisis section, but if I had happened upon that I wouldn't know what to say at all. The only times I've told people I'm suicidal were when I was having a panic attack and therefore completely irrational - and whether that was a good thing or not depends entirely on the other person. Sometimes they'll be very supportive, other times they'll block all communication from you and never speak to you again.

    Very specific question, yes. Easy question, no.
     
  12. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    Its difficult for us to talk, if he was planning on it then decided not to, we regret it, but we cant change it. Whenever i see something like this, i wish i had been here, but i cant be superwoman; nobody can, we just have to do out best. Unfortunately that wasnt good enough. I hope you may try to see why your boyfriend came here, and see if we can help. I hope you can begin to understand why the forum is here- it has saved my life many times over.
     
  13. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Sorry to hear that your boyfriend chose to kill himself, rather than talk to you about how he was feeling, but to come on SF and attack people who are struggling to cope with thier own lives is pretty mean. I do what I can to help and so do many others, but if someone has made up his/her mind to die, there really isn't much that can be done.
     
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