Made a decision

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bluedays, Jun 18, 2009.

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  1. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    I am not going to continue to live anymore. It's just a matter of how, that's the big one... how. And when. But mostly how.

    I asked my DH to help get my mom placed with my brothers, and then he can go back with his family and start to heal from all of this. I will miss his face, his laughter and his love the most and am grief-stricken that this lifetime around, I couldn't be a good wife and couldn't find a way to keep us together under halfway decent circumstances.

    I cannot watch my mom slip away in front of my eyes 24 hours a day for the rest of her life. And I cannot sit and wait as financially we continue to go under until we lose everything. At that point it won't matter anymore anyway.

    I hurt so, so, so badly. My pain and shock and dread and grief is a huge mass inside of me that I can't function around anymore. My pain far exceeds any coping mechanisms, and though I am on medication, no medication in the world can change the circumstances under which I am living. It's a one way trip to devastation no matter how you look at it.

    For those who DO see more than 1 door, especially you younger ones... please please examine your options carefully. Life can be a beautiful and precious thing... and it's worth trying to make it until there really isn't anything left.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter


    I'm sorry no one has replied to your post yet.

    I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I hate to ask this,but what does DH stand for?
    I'm glad you're on medication,if it doesn't seem to be helping perhaps your doctor can change it? :dunno:
    Also,have you tried counselling? It really can help a lot
    I hope you reconsider xx
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you are feeling so awful...been there!...please PM me if I can be a listening(looking) ear (eye)...big hugs, J
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Hi Blue,

    We,ve already talked via pm, could you please continue the dialogue so that we can try and come up with something together? :hug:
  5. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    I can't. The pain is excruciating. Each day is a day too long, now.

    I want out so badly. I pray every second of every day for God to please please take me so that it stops hurting.
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