I am not going to continue to live anymore. It's just a matter of how, that's the big one... how. And when. But mostly how. I asked my DH to help get my mom placed with my brothers, and then he can go back with his family and start to heal from all of this. I will miss his face, his laughter and his love the most and am grief-stricken that this lifetime around, I couldn't be a good wife and couldn't find a way to keep us together under halfway decent circumstances. I cannot watch my mom slip away in front of my eyes 24 hours a day for the rest of her life. And I cannot sit and wait as financially we continue to go under until we lose everything. At that point it won't matter anymore anyway. I hurt so, so, so badly. My pain and shock and dread and grief is a huge mass inside of me that I can't function around anymore. My pain far exceeds any coping mechanisms, and though I am on medication, no medication in the world can change the circumstances under which I am living. It's a one way trip to devastation no matter how you look at it. For those who DO see more than 1 door, especially you younger ones... please please examine your options carefully. Life can be a beautiful and precious thing... and it's worth trying to make it until there really isn't anything left.