Made a decision

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bluedays, Jun 18, 2009.

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  1. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    I am not going to continue to live anymore. It's just a matter of how, that's the big one... how. And when. But mostly how.

    I asked my DH to help get my mom placed with my brothers, and then he can go back with his family and start to heal from all of this. I will miss his face, his laughter and his love the most and am grief-stricken that this lifetime around, I couldn't be a good wife and couldn't find a way to keep us together under halfway decent circumstances.

    I cannot watch my mom slip away in front of my eyes 24 hours a day for the rest of her life. And I cannot sit and wait as financially we continue to go under until we lose everything. At that point it won't matter anymore anyway.

    I hurt so, so, so badly. My pain and shock and dread and grief is a huge mass inside of me that I can't function around anymore. My pain far exceeds any coping mechanisms, and though I am on medication, no medication in the world can change the circumstances under which I am living. It's a one way trip to devastation no matter how you look at it.

    For those who DO see more than 1 door, especially you younger ones... please please examine your options carefully. Life can be a beautiful and precious thing... and it's worth trying to make it until there really isn't anything left.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter


    I'm sorry no one has replied to your post yet.

    I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I hate to ask this,but what does DH stand for?
    I'm glad you're on medication,if it doesn't seem to be helping perhaps your doctor can change it? :dunno:
    Also,have you tried counselling? It really can help a lot
    I hope you reconsider xx
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and so sorry you are feeling so awful...been there!...please PM me if I can be a listening(looking) ear (eye)...big hugs, J
  4. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Hi Blue,

    We,ve already talked via pm, could you please continue the dialogue so that we can try and come up with something together? :hug:
  5. bluedays

    bluedays Well-Known Member

    I can't. The pain is excruciating. Each day is a day too long, now.

    I want out so badly. I pray every second of every day for God to please please take me so that it stops hurting.
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