Made a pact with my ex

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Cooki, Aug 28, 2014.

  1. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure whose idea it was, but I'll start where it began.
    We were chatting last night and the night before. The first night we joked a bit about me playing with him. I felt sad that it was just joking. Last night the conversation was a bit more interesting. And this time serious. I told my ex about me not having feelings for ny boyfriend anymore but still being with him because I don't want to hurt him that much. And because I can have my fun when he's here. My ex was like "lucky you, I also want someone to have fun with" and I said that I'd offer me to have fun with him since it wouldn't be any different than what I do with my boyfriend (although I kind of use my boyfriend, and with my ex it would be two people that are unable to really feel something for another person for long and both only wanting fun and not hurting anyone else, so that'd be good actually). So, well, we worked this idea out a bit.
    The pact is: I have to leave my boyfriend first because the relationship is over and we both know that and this is not going to work out otherwise since my ex doesn't do anything with girls with boyfriends since most boys get aggressive then. If anyone of us starts getting feelings for the other we'll immediately stop with that. If one of us gets a partner the other one shall not be mad or angry but happy for the other (but I'm quite sure this point won't happen, since he says he doesn't want a relationship and he rejects another girl having a crush on him right now to prevent her from becoming crazy. And I have enough of relationships too right now since I hate hurting other people). Except for the feelings-thing, we can do whatever we want, that's it.
    I feel good about that, at least right now. I mean, we both are not able to have a relationship for long and having fun is all we want. This way neither of us will hurt anyone else. But I'm affraid I won't tell that I feel something for him. Because then we wouldn't do that anymore.
    I was wondering what other people think about this though. Is it okay to just have fun with a mate without any feelings or such? (Additionally I think I have to mension that it is legal as a 15-year-old around here, just to avoid answers saying that it might not be legal since it wouldn't be in some other countries from what I know.)
     
  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    It's advisable for it not to be a good idea. Having fun in certain ways can affect any potential impact on the friendship should one want more than the other can give. Keep it at arms length for the sake of the friendship you currently have. As they are an ex, anything more could lead into a mix of a 2nd try (emotions are pretty powerful things) and what happens if that fails? You lose a friend. Is it truly worth it?

    And for the sake of safety, even though it might be legal for 15 where you are - I'd be more determined to wait til I was at least 16. The body is not fully developed to realistically handle the pressures of potential fun that you are expressing here. And that's not really the fault of the children. It's the fact that the system in place allows "sex" to sell so freely - and because of that, businesses make money out of sexualisation of various activities - "oh wait, we make more money exploiting people for how they look - and placing such a burden on those who do not look that way (or even if they do, they don't believe it) - that they have to spend to get the next wonder product of the system that doesn't always do what it promises to do".

    I reckon there should be a blanket legal age of consent of 18 for sex. 21 for alcohol. And 25 for driving. But that's just my own opinion.
     
  3. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    We're not really friends though. I wouldn't loose anything if it failed. We didn't talk much lately and if I didn't text him sometimes we wouldn't be in touch anymore. He says I'm not the person he's looking for, and I'm okay with that. He said he needs someone to hold him in her arms and making him feel safe and that I can't be this person. That's why he broke up with me. And since I really don't want to hurt anyone else this is like almost perfect.

    Around here the legal age for sex is 14, for alcohol is 16 and for driving 17 (with an adult besides, they're currently fighting about making driving legal for 16 year-olds. That's crap). We have some really strange laws.
     
  4. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    If there is very little friendship there - and you're initiating everything in communication, I wouldn't entertain the thought of "friends with benefits". It's hard for people to get their head around with a stronger foundation, but it could just be a case of either of you using the other one just to get laid - which then makes any future relationship a bit harder to get to grips around the emotional aspect attached to the "fun".
     
  5. Cooki

    Cooki Well-Known Member

    That's a point. I've always had problems with emotions. I don't feel the most of them anyway. I only know sadness, anger, happyness and lonelyness. No hate which is good, but also no love or anything like that. Is liking a person a feeling? Because there are people I like, too. I guess this thing won't make my emotion-problems any better :/