Made up my mind

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by deadpan, Aug 20, 2009.

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  1. deadpan

    deadpan Account Closed

    After weeks of diliberation and thought I have decided to finally bite the bullet and go through with this.

    Here are my honest 100% reasons:

    # I only have one real friend in my real life who cares about me and although he will miss me I think he will understand when I am gone why I did it.

    # I have so many creditors after me for money - I used to have a good job, so I got credit cards and I back then could pay them off - but now I am out of work and no hope of getting another one. So they just keep on at me threatening to take me to court and shit. Fuck it I cannot handle it anymore.

    # Despite feeling reativly ok over the past few weeks I have all of a sudden began to feel very down and depressed again I am a feeling suicidal at the moment and I cannot stand feeling so much pain.

    # I do have a few good friends on the internet but then again they are not like real-life friends so they would never really miss me when I go, just assume I do not come on msn anymore etc.. so thats one less thing to worry about.

    # I HATE myself at the moment for screwing up my own life - it is MY fault I am typing this now, I got myself into this situation and now I am have to get out of it and this life before I drag more people down with me.

    # I havent seen a doctor for my mental state for over a year, I do not want to go back cause I hate drugs and they never really help me - maybe I do need help but I dont care for it - it will be all be over soon.

    I am gonna write my note very soon - I plan to be out of everyone's hair by the weekend.

    Thank you for everyone who reads this - this is sort of my goodbye x

    Love and peace to you all - see you in the next life

    Peter x
  2. Polar

    Polar Account Closed

    Hi Peter,

    I'm so sorry to hear about the difficulties you've been experiencing.

    Thank you for your honesty too. Honesty is one of the most important traits of any person and you seem to really be an honest person. Well done on this.

    I know you may not be feeling well at the moment but it seems like you were so happy in life once and what's to say you can't do it again?

    With the creditors, maybe explain your situation to a financial advisor and you can work something out? That may be an option for you. I know people who have been in hundreds of thousands of debt and after talking to an advisor, they are starting to come through it.

    I know you must be in a great deal of pain. It's not terminal though. Pain will end and you will get better.

    I'm so glad you've got a good friend to confide in. I'm sure he would miss you enormously if you went and you would miss him too? Never underestimate the power of suicide. It has ripples of effects. Not just one.

    It's good that you're considering a therapist may be helpful. There is no substitute for having a person to talk to and who will listen to you at the same time. Maybe give it a chance? What have you got to lose?

    I really hope you can work through this as you seem like a great guy who just needs a good break.

    Take care.

    Kind regards,

  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I'm really sorry you're going through so much. Polar is right though; you seem like a great guy who's just going through a really rough patch. You said you felt relatively okay for a while before this past week, and you can get through this so you get to that point again.

    Being in debt is horrible. But financial advisors really can help. It's worth a try.

    I'm not trying to make you feel worse, but I can tell you that if you truly do have good online friends, they will miss you when you're not around. I've been in that situation; I've been the friend who waited and wondered what happened to someone who was suicidal and no longer came online. You don't just get over it and forget about that person. You always wonder and always wish there had been more you could have done.
  4. croatoan

    croatoan Member


    I'm sorry that you are feeling such pain. I am new here, and believe that the people on this forum can be a help to you.

    BTW, your eloquent post could have been my first post. Only because a mod from this forum chatted with me on wednesday using messanger am I still here. I'm not so foolish as to say I am cured. I have "bought" myself a circuit-breaker : putting off the choice temporarily so that I can re-examine my feelings & thoughts.

    Please give these good people a chance.

  5. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest


    If the financial advisor route doesnt work, consider filing a bankrupcty.

    There is no shame in that.

    And don't think for a minute that you wouldnt be missed. Your friend and online friends would miss you.

    What about your folks, and extended family?

    Some day a relative may be going thru a rough patch and decide to end their life, afterall Peter did it so why can't I?

    There are consequences.

    But there is help there.

    Please read the post in my siggy. It may help.
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    One good friend i wish i had you would hurt him deeply and no he won't understand why you left him in so much pain. Claim bankruptcy that is what iit is there for get the creditors off your back that way. Everyone cares for you no need to take your life when you have people around who care for you keep reaching out okay so we can help take away the pain and confusiion.
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