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"Mail-Order Bride"?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by TheBLA, Apr 19, 2011.

  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser ever to live.

    I'm pretty sure being the absolute and complete abnormal loser and freak that I am, the only way I could ever get a girlfriend/wife for myself is if my parents set me up with somebody from my home country, India. I'm sure the only initial reason she'd be interested in someone like me is to get American and Canadian citizenship from myself. I know that would likely be her ulterior motive. But we see many times, at least in fiction, that couples hook up for these "greedy" reasons but eventually really do fall in love with each other. That might happen with myself, who knows? Or she'll leave me pretty soon for a much more better person than myself, god knows they wouldn't be hard to find when you compare anybody to myself. She'd probably leave me even when divorce is very taboo in Indian society, especially among women.

    Would any of you "risk" being alone for the rest of your life or would you go for a "mail-order bride", if you had the chance? I know its an offensive term and that term doesn't exactly fit what I'm talking about here. I know there are many who become alone for their whole life, these people that don't want to be alone, but have to be because of financial, mental, etc. issues. At least I have my parents to set me up with someone if all else fails....better than nothing, right?

    I think that would probably be my only hope. And even then, who knows if that would make me happy? I think I would need a family after I move out of my parent's house and away from my little-brother. I have this gut feeling that when I move out into an apartment and I am all alone after a while, I'd definitely want to commit suicide. I'm certainly not an outgoing person and be able to get friends to keep me company. Maybe getting a family would want to keep me here after my parents and little brother are gone from my life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 19, 2011
  2. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Have you tried internet dating? It is quite popular among Indians, I believe, because they typically try to date within their own culture even when in other countries.
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser ever to live.

    I actually did last year, where my dad signed me up for a website. On that site, I met this really nice girl, an Indian girl from Japan. Things were going so well, her mom even came to visit us. But she broke up with me a few months later. It was complicated, her family was much richer than ours, I know my dad was also sabotaging things (I know he prefers if I marry an Indian raised girl, (especially probably from his village, not a Western raised one). Before I got on this website, a few months prior, my dad and I went to India and went to his village and saw a "prospective marriage candidate". I'm sure he was ticked that I met this Indian Japanese girl that would mess up his plans for me to marry that other girl.

    For example, he emailed to her that I am depressed and suffering from suicidal thoughts. I wanted to tell her that myself eventually, not have my fucking, overprotective idiot dad tell her first. His explanation was that he wanted them to know first without finding later after we get more steady and break up and hurt me even more. But he refused to tell that other girl from India in his village. His reason was that she wouldn't understand since mental illness is very taboo in India whereas that Japanese girl would but I also think he wanted me to marry her anyways.

    Before all of this, I always felt that I was a complete loser who would never find anybody. After finding this "Girl of my dreams", and getting broke up, that further cements my feelings that I should just give up on girls altogether. And I don't want to feel that pain again which I still am. Why even bother when the next one will also break up? I am just not suitable for a relationship, I am too messed up, broken, damaged-goods, etc.
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Okay, time to start out on your own and cut your parents from the loop. If he's sabotaging your attempts WTF are you working with him for? He's trying to make you alone so that you marry someone he wants you to marry?

    I know family is more important to Indians than most cultures, but fuck him, he's making your life worse. He's not curing your depression, now is he?

    And having someone in your life WILL help with depression.
  5. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Hmmmmm so your going to do this because it always works in fiction? Of course it does its FICTION. Its supposed to because it sells copies of whatever they are peddling at the time. Just how old are you? Im guessing no where near old enough to make rational decisions if your father is running everything for you including your love life so to write it off is a bit extreme. Thinking the way your father does just leads to hate and resentment and segregation. You should only marry indian girls? I mean wtf?

    Bit of advice, eventually everyone has to grow up and move out in the world on their own. If you want to kill yourself know then whether your on your own or not you will do it. All this sounds like is you need to get away from your parents, step away from the coinfines of the internet and go and meet people. Thats how people of old used to do it you know and many people still do.
  6. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser ever to live.

    I'm turning 24 next month. Its obvious how extremely different Indian culture is from Western culture and how I've been exposed to both and it provides plenty of confusion for me.

    I think one issue is that I've given up my individualism for comfort and safety and let my dad especially run my life. For instance, I don't want to deal with paying my own bills and whatnot, just have my dad do it for me. And it can't last forever I know and maybe also why I think of suicide once I move out, that I can't deal with leaving the bird nest when living it in for too long while the other birds flew out and become strong and independent a long time ago.

    Maybe I also have "stockholm syndrome". Its easy to say to move out of my parents home and live my life the way I want to. Its not easy when I've become so dependent on them for everything for all these years. Its probably not just for Indian cultures but others as well, where individualism isn't the top priority, but to follow your parent's wishes and to respect them above all else and all that.

    I'm guessing most likely, I'll have to give in and marry whomever my dad picks, even if that makes me a pathetic little bitch. I know that's how all people raised in the West must look at me, at least. Or just hold out being single and lonely when I eventually move out, until I can't take it anymore and finally put a bullet in my brain which I've thought about all too long now but never have the courage to pull off. I think I'd gain that "courage" once I lose the emotional and financial support of my parents and little brother and have nobody in the world. : /
  7. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    If you are feeling so low, and are only waiting for the right combination of courage and opportunity - what have you to lose by going against your cultural background? You fear having nobody in the world and growing old alone, but if you want that to change, then ultimately it's incumbent on you to do that.

    I understand how daunting that concept is - but if you want the change then you can make it...You're doing the depressive thing at the moment - which is to find the negative connotation in everything and thus to make that the reason to do nothing...
  8. Madam Mim

    Madam Mim Well-Known Member

    Rahul, it doesn't just work in stories - studies have shown (if I had time I'd find them for you) that people in arranged marriages really do grow to genuinely love each other, and their marriages last longer not because they can't divorce but because they don't want to. Just saying.

  9. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    There's also the fact that third parties can have a better idea of the personalities of the two involved than young people in love. However, if Rahul's father is sabotaging Rahul's relationships I'm concerned he doesn't have Rahul's best interests in mind.

    I think, Rahul, you need to have a go at life on your own. Life as it is isn't working for you. "If you always do what you've always done you'll always have what you've always had." If you continue living as you are you will never be happy.
  10. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    Rahul, why do you care what people will think of you? May be your parents are thinking for your good. Arranged marriage is not as bad you think- in my humble opinion it has made many people very happy. Instead of asking many people for advice, perhaps you should ask your parents for advice and act on them.
  11. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    hummm Is it simply a cop-out?

    how about leaving the nest, experiencing a bit of life/independence and then decide whether you want to accept your parents bride suggestion.

    At least give it a go by yourself.