In January I was driving in downtown and had to stop at an intersection that I hadn't been to in years. Stopping there triggered a flood of memories for me that have haunted me ever since then. In June of 1997 a man forced his way into my truck at that intersection, took me to a house and was joined by another man. They took turns raping me at knifepoint. I'm told by everyone that I was very lucky to get out of there alive, but it seems so distant to me. I'm at the same time horrified and numb when I think about it. My therapist has me journaling about it, trying to remember the details, associate the feelings with the facts. But I'm getting worse. I'm starting to feel very self destructive and at times suicidal. I just don't know how to handle these feelings. I'm starting to get upset, so I think what I'm going to do is take several anti-anxiety meds, turn on some music, and clean or something. Take my mind off things, you know? I'm sorry if this has triggered anyone. I tried to keep it as vague as possible so as not to.