Make it stop

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by PattiReit, Mar 23, 2009.

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  1. PattiReit

    PattiReit Antiquitie's Friend

    I just can't stop thinking about dying. I know I am depressed and started on meds last week. My new doctor suggested I try an partial hospitalization program and I can't even get into for an intake appointment until Wednesday. All I do is sleep or argue with my husband.

    I was hospitalized multiple times in 2005 and then had a relapse in November of 2008. I spent three weeks in a different partial program and still felt the same when I left. Actually I felt worse while I was in the program. I was binging to try and cope with it. I said what they wanted me to say and was released in December. I tried to ignore....make myself happy....it didn't work.

    I started seeing a therapist again the end of January. I like her and she gets me but I can't make these feelings go away. I try to tell myself I don't feel this way. I should feel great, in this ecomony I have a good job, nice house...blah...blah..blah.

    My relationship with my husband started to fall apart with my recent attempt in November. He talked me down....I was going for a swim after a few glasses of wine and some Xanax. He convinced me to come home and get some help. Three weeks later when i didn't feel better and needed him to come home, he didn't. I actually had broke both hands in a slip on the ice. When he didn't come home, I wanted to die. I told him this and he didn't come home. He eventually came home four days later. Since that point I don't trust he will be there for me.

    I feel so alone. In 2005, he left me for another women. I didn't learn that until over a year later and forgave him. I am fearful he will find someone again. So I looked at his email and discovered he lied to me about the other woman. He had saved email in a draft folder, he gave her the same romantic words he used on me. I now feel cheated even more. How can those words ever mean the same thing again. The pain and betrayal I am feeling has my mind racing on just how to end it.

    How do I move forward?
     
  2. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    It must be so hard to feel like he isn't there for you, and to be in so much pain. What is best for you right now? What can YOU control that will help you feel better? Focus on what you need right now. You are dealing with a LOT of emotions , get more support so you can make it through this tough time. Reach out to those you trust, and keep reaching out until you get what you need. Take care of yourself!
     
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