I had originally planned to go the day before my birthday which is in a couple of weeks. However a certain event a week ago made me think that maybe I should wait and see if she would come back. I don't think I can though, even if she would eventually return there is no way I can hold out the amount of time that it would take. Everyday is to hard, everyday is to painful, everyday I spiral further down into the abyss. So I feel today that I am back on the clock and there seems to be a sense of calm with that. The hurt has subsided with the knowing that the pain will end soon.