Making Plans: 1986 - 2011, Making Serious Plans: 2012. 25 is a good age to die.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Screaminginsilence, Mar 26, 2012.

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  1. Screaminginsilence

    Screaminginsilence Well-Known Member

    In the hope that someone reads this, and it doesn't become a post that gradually falls down into the mass of depression and hopelessness, I will talk about me - and why at 25 years old I have decided that now is the time I will finally die. I say die, and not commit suicide because it's been a 'natural' urge for me, ever since I can remember, to kill myself and not wait for fate.

    I am never happy or satisfied with that I have. I always want more, often what I can't have - making me even unhappier. I over spend, I over eat, take everything for granted. I'm impatient and quite easily take an instant dislike to people I dont even know. I speak my mind, which more often than not gets me into trouble, at work and within my personal life. I'm jealous of everyone else, of anyone who is slimmer than me, has more money than me, or a better job, nicer car, family, children.... actually, anything. I spent 18 months and well over a thousand pounds in private counselling to 'get over' my issues, now I've hit heartache and undone everything.

    So this is me from the last 8/9 years -

    2004 - Met my ex boyfriend, got pregnant, had abortion, moved in with his family
    2005 - At 19, bought my first house. Had no money, overspent, got into debt
    2006 - Cheated on boyfriend, lied alot, got into more debt
    2007 - Redundancy, more debt
    2008 - Cheated on boyfriend, left boyfriend, got back with boyfriend, left house and went to parents (60 miles away)
    2009 - Moved back into house, miserable, no money, debt
    2010 - Left house, cheated on boyfriend, again, split with boyfriend, went back to parents, started to get out of debt, got back with boyfriend
    Start of 2011 - Boyfriend bought family home, came back, got good job, debt nearly gone
    End of 2011 - 9 year relationship breakdown, sacked from work, mum had a nervous breakdown - personal hell
    2012 - Now in a good job, back into a little debt, desperatly missing ex boyfriend and would give anything to have him back... he doesnt want me.

    Unable to stop crying, over 3 hours late for work this morning, anxiety through the roof, binge eating, binge drinking, despairing. I pick my lip when I worry or am upset and at the moment they are just painful.

    So - time to go.

    My family, we aren't that close - they would get over it
    My friends, would be upset which hurts me, but I have openly spoken about how I feel so I dont think they would be that surprised

    and finally my man - the big idiot i loved for years, who couldnt give me an engagement ring so i chucked him. The bloke I cheated on and was an absolute b*tch to at times but always loved me back, helped me get out of debt. Now I want him back and he doesn't want me

    I feel no need to try and be happy, or go for 'help' from my doctors (Help = tablets, more tablets!)

    Take care, god bless, always kick ass,

    1986 - 2012
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Wish I could have bought a house was that young. I will likely never be able to own a house. However, that is my fault. It is funny how a $90 debt kills your credit.

    Anyway, maybe you need a more... uhhh metaphoric death. You know, cut ties with everything around you? I know that being in the same place I have hated all my life makes me even more depressed. So maybe a fresh start far away and cut off from this place might be better.

    Wish I could say I lived a life up to my age. My life has been empty and boring since I ended high school. YOu just need to keep on trekking though.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there,, I'm sorry you're feeling so low at the moment but remember it usually does pass. Have you thought about CHANGING your life? Like moving away and starting afresh? That could help the situation you are in. Please don't kill yourself. My best friend killed herself in January 2011 and it hurt me SO bad, think about the carnage you'll be leaving behind. Please seek help, not tablets and more tablets, try maybe counselling? I don't even know you and I care about you, I promise you that.
  4. @screaminginsilence,

    I was also borned in 1986. 25 years old is not a good age to die.. We still have many goals to accomplish. Keep fighting to win the heart of your guy back and don't cheat on him again.. :hug:
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