Making plans

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by wanabechef, Jan 16, 2011.

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  1. wanabechef

    wanabechef New Member

    Having suffered from depression and anxiexty for almost 30 years I am now thinking of taking this step. This would not be my first attempt. Many, ever since I was 13. I come from a long line of suicides. My father, aunt and uncle all killed themselves. Yes, all siblings. Perhaps there is a genetic side to all of this but regardless my feelings or lack of are my own.
    Each day is a struggle. I hurt from head to toe. Friends have left, family have left. All of which I can understand as my disease is a difficult one for anyone to handle. Each day is filled with worry and anxiety. Rarely a moments peace. My mind races from thought to thought. An unanswered phonecall to a friend (when I know they are home) brings back to feelings of worthlessness. A arguement with my teenager brings on such feelings of guilt that I turn to taking anything in my medicine cabinet that will let me sleep. I am done.
    I am tired of each day bringing about new hurt and new worry. My husband controls all of my meds, so I have no access to those. However, my plan is to visit a clinic and get the pills I need. Currently I am on seroquel and clonazapam. My guess a combination of these should do the trick.
    I know this is my first time posting here. And I do apologize for the rant.
    Every day a little piece of me just fades away. Worthless does not begin to describe how I feel. I hope that maybe someone out there hears this.

    Last cry for help
     
  2. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    I hear you and so will others here. Tell us what is going on? X
     
  3. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hey. Welcome to SF. I hope you can resist the urge to attempt again. I know that things are really hard right now, but things can get better. Don't give up. :hug:
     
  4. Sapphicgamer

    Sapphicgamer Member

    My mother and I have depression and anxiety too. When I was in high school and she attempted twice, ending up in the psych ward both times... That was the scariest time of my life. You said that you've lost family to suicide too.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that even if you and your teen aren't on best of terms, you're still mom. No one should have to lose a loved one like that...
     
  5. warrabinda

    warrabinda Well-Known Member

    So there's a genetic component. It's not you. it's a disease - why kill YOU? yeah I get the pain part, of course I do I'm a member of a suicide forum.

    The wonderful thing about teenagers is they grow up. When I grew up, and I was the shittiest, manipulative horrible teenage daugther i'll openly admit, i remember apologising to my parents for what i put them through. really. they do get older and mature... it's a pity we're so argumentative heh but i can't imagine many teenagers who actually have a death wish on their parents.

    how come your husband controls your meds?
    do you have a good relationship with your medical practitioner/therapists?
     
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