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Making real friends on SF

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Shannew, Sep 26, 2017.

  1. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    Hi Belzy welcome to SF :)
    I can see that you're going through a really hard time at the moment and I wanted to put in my two cents because I can relate to your way of thinking. Last year I pushed away all my friends and family because I assumed that they didn't love me enough, sometimes because of the most trivial reasons. I also believed everyone is selfish and no-one genuinely cares. I denounced my current relationships as well because I assumed they were all fake and there was no real love. I got into a relationship which although was wonderful at the time, still did not help my suicidal thoughts. So I was stuck in this dystopia where I felt so unhappy. Then the worst thing imaginable happened, the love of my life broke up with me and I had my first attempt at suicide. When it didn't work, I felt the most helpless I had ever felt and I came to this site and someone who barely knew me stayed up with me for hours and hours reassuring me that it wasn't the end, that I deserved to live and that I should safe myself in that moment.. and I did. I ended up contacting some family members (who I thought hated me) and they drove all the way to my house and supported me for the next few days. Comforting me, giving me food and a place to stay and lots of hugs and love. If I had never reached out, I would have never known how much they loved me and now in the first time in years do I feel I have a real family, somewhere that I belong. After that my view on the world changed. I became a lot more forgiving and less cynical. I tried to be less judgemental and try to understand why people do things and accept it instead of criminalising them and pushing them away forever. I made a plan with my only friend at the time to forgive everyone in my past and present and renew my friendships. I promised to myself that I would live a life of hope, gratitude and not of resentment and to focus more on helping people who suffer with suicidal thoughts like I did. I believed that no-one in the world cared about me but someone did that night that I tried to die. It takes a lot of inner strength but I don't feel suicidal anymore. I feel powerful and hopeful and I feel like I have a real purpose. I hope this helped in some way, feel free to message me if you want to talk more about this :)
     
  2. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    dammit forgot to press the reply button xD
     
  3. Kira

    Kira SF Gelfling Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    This made me so happy to read! You've come a long way @Shannew and you are a blessing and great friend on this site! Have you seen the "What SF has meant to me project" that is getting underway? What you just wrote is a perfect testament to the whole theme! Check it out in Forum News and Updates and if you'd feel comfortable sharing, I think that we be awesome! Take care *hug ox
     
    A guy with feelings and Ash600 like this.
  4. Karmitkurmit

    Karmitkurmit King of the Hedge SF Pro SF Supporter

    Just found this thread. What a wonderful idea Shannew and it's nice to see the thread has been going so long.

    I'm not entirly sure how it works, but I'm in! As long as you don't mind staring at a hedgehog for long periods of time, don't mind me waffling occasionaly when all you asked was what the weather's like where I am, and don't have an issue conversing with someone who put all his marbles in a bag with a hole in it....then I'm ready and waiting to take up the role of friend to anyone who needs it!

    Love this family and it's original thinking! :)
     
    Shannew likes this.
  5. Belzy07

    Belzy07 New Member

    Thankyou.
    You have a powerful story. As similar as both our stories may be, they are quite worlds apart.
    My brothers.. well they literally all the family i have. Parents gone. Extended family overseas and hardly talk to other than on Fb.
    Friends..never really had any. Bullied at school. Made a career for myself. But even with all the skills i have, people dont take me seriously. So why bother. Life is easier as a kid. I understand why so many adults cant take it anymore.
    So i dont really have any relationships to repair as there were never really any to begin with. And new ones are hard to come by..or find.
     
    Shannew likes this.
  6. Thusspoke42

    Thusspoke42 New Member

    Of course, this is very nice. Im skeptical about trusting others since im usually let down by high expectations or miss interpretation by some kind.
    I'm in the idea for looking for friends :)
     
    Shannew likes this.
  7. Walker

    Walker Everything Zen Staff Member Safety & Support SF Social Media SF Supporter

    I feel like we all feel very similarly, @Thusspoke42 So don't trip. Just hang around a while, see who you click with and feel your way around. You'll be flapping about in no time. :)
     
    Shannew likes this.
  8. Woowoo

    Woowoo SF Pro SF Supporter

    Hey I've just found this thread and I think it's a great idea. I've met some lovely people on chat but there are lots of people on this thread that i haven't met yet. I hope I can make some real friends here.
    @Shannew I've just read your story above- it's really lovely and brought tears to my eyes. I hope one day I can have your positivity.
     
    Shannew likes this.
  9. Steven2311

    Steven2311 Member

    I don't know anymore what's to have real good friends. I had and have some really bad experiences with wrong relationships and don't know if i can take it. Like someone sad before I don't trust on people and just feel that no one genuinely loves and cares about me, even my parents.
     
    Shannew likes this.
  10. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    I think that understanding about how life can be very hard is so valuable in our recovery. Its like discovering a vital piece of information we didn't know before and now we can accept the fact and use that fact to adjust our lives accordingly. So its really good that you have come to that conclusion but that isn't the end, its a new beginning. I used to think exactly like that too and that thinking was heavily backed up by so much evidence of people in my life being assholes. But I had a feeling that there was more to this. There HAD to be a way to be happy in this life because even though so many people are depressed there are so many more people who are leading happy lives. For every 1 suicide there are 300 people who have felt suicidal and recovered. Anyway, I didn't want to be in that god awful place where I was when I attempted so I forced myself to be hopeful, positive and forgiving. Even putting the simple thought of "life can get better" even though I had no rhyme or reason to believe it and I had no idea how. But eventually things did get better, of course there were hard times along the way but it's been weeks since I've felt depressed let alone suicidal. Things are going so well I honestly can't believe it and it wasnt because of chance it was because I began to change my thinking, take control of my future and be more proactive in every area of my life. I know I have a long way to go still but I'm excited about it now not depressed and scared and overwhelmed. What also helped me was this book called 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective people' by Stephen Covey. I recommend it highly to everyone in any stage of life. Read it, apply the principles to your life and see if you feel any better?
     
    Woowoo likes this.
  11. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    Aww thank you woowoo <3 <3 <3
    You absolutely will!
     
    Woowoo likes this.
  12. Shannew

    Shannew Chat Pro

    You're strong my friend! Don't let the weaknesses of others control you!
     
  13. Aethyr

    Aethyr Member

    Hello, I am Alex, 22 and I live UK, very lonely, have no friends and I suffer from severe social anxiety and agoraphobia, I am passionate about writing, and I would like to get better at art. Would like to meet someone to make friends with.
     
  14. GeminiStar

    GeminiStar Well-Known Member

    Has anyone here actually ever made a friend with this?