Making sense of what people mean when they say "I'm alone"

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by snogo, Sep 12, 2014.

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  1. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure where to post this - I just want to share this with people who are suicidal, depressed or just feeling very lonely or alone.

    What is/are the underlying meanings when people say 'I'm alone'?

    There are mostly likely many ways of describing it, but the most obvious message is: I feel emotionally distant from the people around me.

    So why do you feel emotionally disconnected with the people around you?

    Some common thoughts are:

    1) Their age/gender/work status/social class, etc is not on the same level as I am.
    2) They don't understand what I'm going through. Or they are just pretending to understand which puts me off even more.
    3) I've tried various ways of reaching out, opening up myself to people, and I was let down every time.

    So how do you deal with persistent thoughts/feelings of loneliness or being alone for any unpleasant situation you are in?

    First of all, let me share a bit about myself. I have been trying to understand loneliness and emotional disconnection since young. I don't have any friends who I can talk to unreservedly without fear of being judged or despised or kept away at a distance. Bullying of varying degrees happened (and still occur) at every stage of my life; school, work, social gatherings.

    I didn't start thinking of suicide until when I was in high school/secondary school. It was something more to do with coping with my poor academic grades than lack of friends or social connection.

    When one is in a lot of pain, the mind cannot stay peaceful and positively focused. When one's mind is in such a state, we cannot see what is truly pulling us down even when others point it out to us.

    Very recently, in fact, just a few days ago, I started to realise that one main reason I feel so alone, so terribly alone, is due to my inclination to reject what is different or less ideal.

    For a start, try this:

    1) It's ok to be totally alone in any unpleasant situation I am in.

    2) I will do my best to seek help after calming myself down a bit. Anger/fear (even hopelessness) can motivate us to change for the better, but can also destroy us if we are not mindful of the overall direction those feelings are driving us to.

    3) I've tried everything to reach out, to befriend new people and things are not looking good or don't seem to show any sign of progress.

    - Then stop whatever you are doing and re-examine. Identify what is so far working out fine and what's now. If NOTHING is working out fine, it simply means your personal attitudes/beliefs need some overhaul. Do not be afraid to challenge your past and current attitudes/beliefs. We are not saints, we are not god, we don't know and can't understand everything about ourselves and the world around us.

    4) Lastly, find ways to guide your mind to experience and understand bit by bit true peace and love. You are not alone unless you give up on yourself and on finding true peace and love for yourself.

    If you are in so much pain that you can't think properly, at least tell yourself this: I did my best and will not blame anyone, including myself. I will accept that I can't help myself right now. Regardless of whether you've really tried your best to help yourself, repeat this to yourself.

    Please don't over-punish yourself. If you think you deserved your current situation, then a simple and silent acknowledgment within your mind will do. Don't let feelings of guilt, anger, disappointment become your crutch or point of focus. When you feel less overwhelmed, go and seek help.

    Feel free to share your thoughts, feelings and experiences with me. Will be most glad to learn from others.
  2. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I feel alone mostly because of reason #2 (feeling like people don't understand me), not because I'm truly alone in the literal sense of the word. But there are three things that I've learned over the years regarding "being understood".

    1. I can't make anybody else understand certain beliefs of mine that are the complete opposite of something they've always recognized to be true.
    2. Even if I did find somebody who believed most of the things I believe, they wouldn't complete me as a person because they wouldn't be able to offer me anything that I didn't already have, whereas someone opposite of me could fill the gap for things that my personality lacks, and vice versa.
    3. Considering the fact that some of the things I believe are making me miserable, I'd probably be better off trying to change those things than finding someone who agrees with me on them.

    So because of that, I don't try to find someone similar to me anymore, but rather someone opposite of me who is still respectful of my feelings/beliefs, but doesn't necessarily agree with or understand them. Yes, sometimes it makes me feel like I'm the only one on the planet who thinks and feels the way I do, but also gives me good reason to question whether those thoughts are accurate and/or necessary considering that they're having a negative effect on me and most other people don't see things that way.
  3. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I am learning to stop myself in the tracks from finding someone similar, partly because I am slowly getting to where you are talking about. I still feel I'm the only one on the planet to think and feel the way I do, but then again, how can that be? There's no way for me to actually get to know everyone on the planet in the first place, except through online and in a superficial way to say the least. And still even if I start from the age when I learn to surf internet till the day I die, it is still not possible for me to know everyone on the planet and find out for sure after some time, a person or maybe a group of person actually shares my thoughts and feelings.
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