Making the Comeback

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by rainbowduke, Sep 30, 2013.

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  1. rainbowduke

    rainbowduke New Member

    Hi guys, first post here and might be a trikkle nervous....
    Moved back 'home' in February; everything was going pretty grand, had my dream course in journalism and a steady number of trusted friends, a comfortable summer love interest, a love for dancing. Then as things so often to do, I become trapped and disenchanted with the world; and fall back on a self-harming obsession that has persisted since I was fourteen years old.. I spent too long on ugly websites with details on methodologies and philosophies that I would sorely like to purge from my mind. I said some unwise things in the usual panic, but I got myself to the hospital and am waiting on therapy - at 23 years old now I feel like I might finally be ready to properly give life a chance. My concern now, is that I've messed up my friendship network here... there are times when my friends get angry and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle in explaining that I have no ill-feeling or motive to scare them (they are a couple of years younger than me, sometimes I feel that might be important,) but they insist that they want to remain my friends and that they continue to care.

    In these long hours though, I wonder just how much respect I might have lost?

    Cheers for your time x
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    we all struggle hun and i don't think anyone judges you not anyones place to do that. I am glad you are reaching out to get help you need to move forward now and to stop sh No need to be nervous ok we all care
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    My concern now, is that I've messed up my friendship network here... there are times when my friends get angry and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle in explaining that I have no ill-feeling or motive to scare them (they are a couple of years younger than me, sometimes I feel that might be important,) but they insist that they want to remain my friends and that they continue to care.

    Instead of having the concern, and maybe causing yourself a stumbling block towards the outcome of a great comeback, why not get confirmation from your friends. Take each one for a truthful answer talk. Ask them the question outright, instead of wondering if your concerns are justified. Sometimes when we were prone to being too hard on ourselves, we let our wandering minds get the best of us. Sometimes we see more than really exists. Sometimes we react from and on those misinformed thoughts and feelings. So for your sake and peace of mind, just ask them.

    During the next while, the outmost important thing to achieving success is a strong network of people that you know you can depend on for support night and day. You can't second guess their loyalty to you. You will start to use that against yourself, by making excuses as to why you can't call on one of them when you really need to. Then slowly, you will slip back into those bad habits that we all rely on when we really shouldn't.

    So please, just ask them. Better you know now and can make other friends or people a priority on your list of contacts and support, than later when it is too late. Tell them that you want to put them on your list of contacts for support. Let them know that their friendship is that important to you. But also make them understand what you will need and expect of them. Let them tell you if they are comfortable with the responsibility.

    And keep posting here...there is a lot helpful advice available from a lot of people that can relate to what you are dealing with. Come by here, when you need a little help from someone on the outside looking in.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 4, 2013
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. I am glad to hear that you are finally going to work on the issues that cause the pain and problems. Its always good to hear people say that here. I understand, from my own perspective feeling like I have alienated friends. I had a community of people. Someone, a teacher in the community, said some horrible things about me. Even though everyone said she was not speaking for them. And they do not agree with her, I became humiliated and withdrew in shame. I did that to myself. So I hope no one else does what I did. I hope you do not judge yourself harshly. Because this is what ruined my friendships. It was not my friends in that community. It was my own shame that caused me to pull away. I hope this might help you in some way. Please do not judge yourself. You are not your condition. You are your wonderful self who has some stuff that she has challenges. Challenges you are facing and working on. you are not running from them. Thats called strength ! Again, please do not judge who you are, according to the condition you have suffered with. You are NOT the condition.
     
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