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male vs female therapists

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Well-Known Member
(Sorry for the multiple threads.)

Just as the title says.... do you prefer to see male or female therapists? Are you yourself male or female?

I'm female, and the only therapists I've ever seen have been females. However, I had a call from a counsellor yesterday to say I've been allocated to him. I've never seen a male therapist before. I'm not sure if I'm totally comfortable with it or not. I'm not sure if it's something I should try. I like talking to males in general life more, as they usually can offer practical advice, and this is the kind of advice I think I would also want from a therapist. I think I hardly get anywhere with the female therapists, so maybe it would be good to try the alternative. I don't even know if I could request to see a female if I decided I was too uncomfortable with it.

So yeah.. what are your experiences, and your thoughts? Who do you prefer to talk to?


Staff Alumni
I prefer wise therapists, be they male, female, transgendered, etc...and these providers are so difficult to find that I do not limit the field...J


Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend
I'm Male.. I prefer female therapists because they seeem to listen better..There advice seems better also..I only saw one male and he wouldn't even look at me..Got alot of hmmm's out of him..It didn't take long to change..I agree with sadeyes that good therapists are hard to find..
I've always found talking to female therapist helpful, because I am a female and I feel I can talk about deeper feelings and more personal stuff with. Because the things I talk to with my couseller and therapist seems easier with a female compared to a male, believe me I have been through many cousellers and therapists.


Well-Known Member
I like therapists that practice cognitive therapy.

Whenever you get a therapist who doesn't look at you and says a lot of mmhmm, get someone else if you can. If you can't, say little so as to make them do the talking.

Getting a new therapist is always awkward. I go to the VA and I experience this. I think of the first few appointments as acquaintance times. I don't like it but this is what I got and I need treatment. If I'm having trouble when I'm getting shuffled around, I speak up.

No one can know if there is a problem unless I speak up. I used to try to put up a strong front but I stopped doing that because I would end up leaving angry inside with the conclusion that no one cares about me. I let go of requiring that they care about me.

I have difficulty speaking up for myself so I say a silent prayer right then and there, "Father, please help me get what I need," and then I make simple statements such as I need medication before my next appointment date.
i'm a female and i see a female therapist. works well for me. not sure i could open up as much to a male. but it's personal. go adn see if you click.
I echo what Sadeyes said, good therapists are the only kind you want...I've had counsellors of either gender and I have to say - that I'm dubious as to whether gender plays any role in how you click at all.

Madam Mim

Well-Known Member
I'm female, and cannot talk to any females in a professional capacity, from GPs to counsellors, anyone, so my counsellor is male. I can still talk about anything, even very personal things, because even though he's a guy, he's non-judgemental and looks at everything from a detached point of view, so his gender is irrelavent.



Well-Known Member
I'm a female & I was always more comfortable talking with another female about my problems cause I feel like she can relate a bit more to me than a male can. Although my school counselor is a male and hes awesome. Always has me smiling at the end of the session so it doesn't matter much to me anymore. As long as whoever I'm with listens and helps me feel better.


Well-Known Member
Thanks for everyone's replies. Sounds as though things are a bit mixed.

I do agree with the suggestions that you go for a good therapist, be it male or female. But I suppose in the back of my mind is that no matter whether they are a good therapist, if I'm uncomfortable talking to them, it won't matter how good they are.

I think I may as well try it. I can't at the moment, as I need to finish my CBT therapy (who knew you couldn't do them at the same time?!) but when that's over, I'm going to give it a go. Who knows? It might be the best thing that ever happened to me, and if it's not, at least I tried and can find once and for all whether I'm more comfortable with males or females.

Chargette - I'm definitely wary of that. I think I'm in a place now where I will speak up, whether they are male or female and tell them - I don't want reflection, I don't want mhmms, I want actual practical solutions and a place that I can talk and be heard.


Well-Known Member
It is all in the eye of the beholder. I personally like females better for a few different reasons. These are generalizations: I think women listen better because they listen to what you have to say and I belive they empathize in a much better way. Whereas men hear you then they just try to solve your problem without helping you through the feelings that are behind the problem. I think women in general are more warm,caring and sensitive for that reason also which in general allows them to be more empathic. Those are the main reasons why I like female therapists better but another reason for me at least is because I just like talking to women better, they can be more interesting to talk to and I also like talking to and looking at women I consider attractive (I think a little bit of transference is ok in therapy :wink:).


Antiquities Friend
I really think it is a personal preference and a good therapist that matches you is what is needed whether male or female...

I personally have had both and find I progress much better with a male therapist - I am female.... transference issues are more volatile though.
Yet when I am in need of grounding, it becomes difficult - a male therapist is not going to give me a hug or touch me - some female therapists might..... The last pdoc I had used to say he wished I had a female therapist in the room to give me a hug when I relived some painful stuff.

Bottom line - someone who knows what he or she is doing; and whose personality and expertise fits what you need. I needed a trauma specialist who knew how to work with DID and had to be referred away to an expert after years of work - very painful.
I'm female and prefer talking to males in general.

I was quite pissed with my recent adult health service that after a specifically requested that a i have a male they assigned me a to a female. I even gave it a chance and went to a few sessions and it just wasted working out for me so i asked to to be switched and bitch refused to switch and i explained to her the whole thing and she still wouldn't even pass on the message. I was ticked even after waiting 2 months to see the psych dr and i expressed my thoughts about it to him and while he said he would try he said theres not much he could do. I was pretty ticked off so i havent returned since. The bitch has been calling and leaving messages for over 2 months now and they just recently sent me a letter basically telling me that they're going to close my case within 2 weeks as i haven't put in enough effort. wtf.

I've see a few counsellors and psych doctors though. The males ones overall were better. That's not to say that i havent had a bad male dr or counsellor though because i have. Just overall i have had better luck with males than females.
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