i'm buried in everything again and i can't breathe. my boyfriend's at work and im feeling my worst and don't have the balls to call anyone else..i can't bother anyone. i hate it when i fall apart like this. :cry: i have tears in my eyes and i hate it when people see and then you have to play it off like you're yawning or sick or something. i'm tempted to tell eveyrone to go away and fuck off but in truth that's the last thing i want them to do (yet i do want the world to leave me alone). and i'm not audacious enough to feel i have the right to bother anyone, so i'm just sitting here quietly. and i don't need any advice, or even anyone to listen. for the first time in my life all i need is someone else.. that gets it.... some company or something, but i don't want to burden. i hurt. usually i'm more expressive with shit like this. but i hurt and that's it. and i was trying to do better all on my own. i was trying and i thought i was doing well and i thought i was being self-sufficient and i thought everything was doing better. i can't keep fucking climbing this mountain and nearly reaching the top, only to be shoved right back down by an emerging sheet of slushy snow. i hate this. i might as well just let go and enjoy the wind against my face as i fall. it all came crashing down again. god. life ain't beautiful at all. i feel like just taking a fucking :censored: to my :censored: and :censored: myself to death.