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Man or Woman? What!?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Escapist, Feb 11, 2010.

  1. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member


    Uhm, I feel as if I am somekind of freak and as if I am in the wrong body.
    I'm a guy, a virgin, and sex frightens me a bit. Why? I don't know. Does that make me a failure as a male? Since we often hear that males love sex.

    It confuses me rather much though. No doubt that people, would question whether I'd like them or not. It'd bring alot of difficulties along with it. Especially for the person who I am with. It wouldn't be my intention to neglect anyone due my lack in liking intercourse. Though what can you do about it? Not like this is done on purpose.

    So here I am, wondering if I am the correct gender, and would like to see if this is a common problem among the males. Though if there is a way to deal with this, then speak up, as I am eager and willing to listen. It'd be highly appreciated.

    Thanks in advance for any feedback given.

    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 11, 2010
  2. Dragon

    Dragon Staff Alumni

    Hey hon,

    Aside from my being female, everything you just said could have come from me. I won't go into detail since you're looking more to the men of the forum for advice here but my PM box is open if you'd like to talk :hug:
  3. neohume

    neohume Well-Known Member

    I'm male, and can assure you most people have felt like that, dont believe what tv or your buddy's boast about, most of its BS.
  4. CloudCatching

    CloudCatching Well-Known Member

    If your views on sex are different than the "average" male that wouldn't make you any less of a man- Unless you felt as if you'd be more comfortable as a woman.

    I'm personally not crazy about sex and I have a lack of interest in sex on a day-to-day basis.
  5. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    You go from mentioning fearing sex, straight to questioning your own gender. There's details missing in the middle, unless your style consists of going to extremes.

    Another one of your threads that will hopefully be closed...
  6. Malcontent

    Malcontent Staff Alumni

    It's a myth that men are all sex crazed maniacs and women only put up with sex to keep guys happy. There's people of either gender who don't like sex at all and people who are obsessed with it, but most men and women are somewhere between those two extremes. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex, it if bothers you maybe talk to a counsellor or something, but it doesn't sound to me like you should be a woman. Sex-drive/sexuality has very little to do with gender-identity, most of my close friends are female and trust me they have just as much interest in sex as any man I've ever met.
  7. stevs2

    stevs2 Active Member

    It confuses me rather much though. No doubt that people, would question whether I'd like them or not. It'd bring alot of difficulties along with it. Especially for the person who I am with. It wouldn't be my intention to neglect anyone due my lack in liking intercourse. Though what can you do about it? Not like this is done on purpose.

    Don't feel alone, men aren't all about sex. Most of the time I am just going through the motions.
  8. WishICouldStay17

    WishICouldStay17 Account Closed

    I am an FTM transsexual, if you are going to the other way, I have a lot of resources for you!
  9. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    What the?? okay ignore that idiot, doesnt seem to realise where he/she is...

    its normal to question sexuality since its so concidered Taboo...everyone is different, and therefor unique in their sexuality as well as personality and physique...everyone has questions, men included...in society we make it as though all the men think and knows is sex when in fact he knows as little as everyone else...dont be afraid to ask questions to others and yourself...only you know yourself better than anyone..you know your limits, your interest, your triggers...take it day by day and I would say talk to your partner about...communication is the key to any relationship in all their aspects...including sex...

    sex is like everything, its a learning subject...you didnt just know math, to read and write, you had to learn it, same goes with sex...sure you know some innate instinct...but basically its another learning experience...
  10. TaraJo

    TaraJo Banned Member

    Been there, done that.

    Yeah, alot of that could have come from me a couple of years ago. And now? I'm much happier since transitioning. Yeah, I'm a Male to Female transsexual (MtF, in trans lingo).

    Social awkwardness and sexual discomfort are part of the deal. I always felt like my sex drive was TOO strong before, though, but since then, I've learned that one of the effects of testosterone can be a heightened sex drive (as of now, my testosterone levels are EXTREMELY low).

    I do know one thing: I am alot happier now. I can finally look in the mirror and like what I see. My hormone levels have been "corrected" and because of that, I generally feel alot happier. It's something you see in alot of transsexuals: before pics we might have a small smile in but pics now, we usually have a big smile. I could fake happy before but now, it comes naturally.

    Here are a before and after pics of me to prove it:

    Me, June 08

    October 09

    If you're interested in advice or help or whatever, yeah, I'm here. Go ahead and send me a PM and I can tell you anything you need to know.
  11. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You look so much happier! :yay:

    To the OP, women can enjoy sex too, even more than men who might say they "love sex" but it's all to do with status and showing off to their mates and confirming something to themselves...and some men can not be interested because of so many reasons. I personally don't see how your lack of interest in sex has anything to do with questioning your gender, but maybe there are other issues you know that we don't that is leading to this question. Whatever it is, I wish you the best.
  12. TaraJo

    TaraJo Banned Member

    Oh, you have no idea! ^_^

    Yes, but it -IS- common for a pre-transition transsexual to be uncomfortable with sex. Discomfort with your body, your genitals and your role in relationships/sex can kill a sex drive. After all, how many women do you know of that would be uncomfortable with sex if they had no breasts and body hair all over?
  13. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    It is possible, but it is also possible that some men aren't interested in sex without being transgendered or a pre-op transexual.
  14. WishICouldStay17

    WishICouldStay17 Account Closed

    hahaha! And on the other side how many women do you know that would be comfortable with sex if they had no penis and boobs? I tell you, even though I am sexually interested I would NOT do anything even if she was REALLY hot and throwing all sorts of pheremones at me.

    There are many questions you should ask before stepping into transition.
    1: Do you like taking baths or showers?
    2: Does the mirror ever make you sick?
    3: How long have you questioned your gender?
    4: Is your style of dress leaning towards the opposite gender? (i.e. looking wishfully at the skirts and dresses in a store; wearing somewhat fitting, more feminine clothing)
    5: Do you really identify as the opposite sex? This one is a bit harder to answer and realy takes a lot of processing.
  15. TaraJo

    TaraJo Banned Member

    YMMV there, hon. I was pretty sexually active before, but I think there were a couple of reasons for that.

    First off, sex with girls felt like it was the -ONLY- part of being a guy that I could get; so, as a result, I tried to 'make' myself be a man. Didn't work; nowadays, I'm just a (mostly) lesbian. :rolleyes:

    Second off, one of the best changes that hit me when I got that testosterone out of my system is that I became far less preoccupied with sex. In a way, I couldn't help but think about it and, yeah, getting off was less a choice and more a necessity.

    But, then, this is an area that is hugely argued about even within trans communities. I actually started a thread on a trans forum about a month ago and it wound up getting so heated that it had to be locked when people started insulting eachother and name calling. Meh. I hate some of the "trannier-than-thou" games some ts people play.

    As for me, I have a mostly satisifying sex life. Helps that I have a girlfriend who is very understanding. I still wish I was fixed up, but as I see it, surgery is a long way away and my choices are to either have an unfulfilling sex life until then or learn to make do with what I have until then.

    Me, I think that last one is the most important. Truth is, my body didn't really bother me before (not too badly, at least) but..... now I love my body. I really do. Whereas before, I was kinda indifferent about it.

    My opinion, take baby steps and see if it helps. That's what I did. I was always able to tell myself "If this doesn't feel right or I want to go back, I can." Nowadays, I really can't go back, but going back is the last thing I would want to do.

    Probably the best thing to do would be to find a therapist who specializes in gender identity issues. You'll need one, eventually, anyway, if you do want to transition. For now, the therapist should be to help you find out if that's what you want.