I am a man with nothing and I only have myself to blame. I always want the easy fix while I know that it's not going to happen. I want perfect teeth, but I should have just taken braces when I was in puberty. I want a perfect body but I should have just continued doing sports. I want a great social life but I stay inside. I used to convince myself my life meant something but now I can't even do that anymore, I am just a lonley, sad, hypocritical, ugly loser. I am bathing in self-pity and I despise myself for it. If only I could just walk away from myself. Even now while typing this I feel like such a naive loser, I know this is going to resolve nothing. I have already visited a psychiatrist and taking mediciation, which put me on top of the world for a couple of months but I gradually made the trip down again. I feel that I have already done everything in my power and whatever comes next, that I will inevitably end up utterly unhappy. I wish I had the balls to commit suicide like other men, but I just don't have it in me. I am completely stuck, infected with life. I just want to curl up in a corner, fall asleep and never wake up. But that also will never happen. I'm watching myself waste my life a minute at a time, and loathing myself the whole way. My life status is completely my own fault. I don't have the balls to just put myself out there. I am a coward at heart. I had opportunities but wasted them all. Now I don't enjoy nothing anymore <Mod Edit, WildCherry>. I am 20 years old God damn it! A sad, self loathing waste of space that desperatly hopes for a quick fix that will make him happy, but knows it's not going to happen. It's so painful to face up to the truth. If you listened to this, thank you, because it's not within my power to tell it to anyone else.