Many guises

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by poisonedresistance, May 20, 2015.

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  1. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    Self harm comes in so many guises for me,,

    From the ritualistic mental abuse I put myself through almost every evening, to the physical abuse I entertain.

    Mental abuse forms are worse, they dont have scars to remind you and soon it becomes something you turn into a pleasure or a desire as it allows you to reconnect with something youve pushed away, even if you dont actually remember it or connect the two, they are there and every time is like taking a blade to an open wound.

    The worst aspect is when you do remember,, and you know why,,, but you still feel the desire to do it, to connect on a level that allows you to touch with it without the emotions and feelings of pain and anxiety. Knowing they are still there, but your disconnected from them.

    The physical also has many faces, many aspects that intrude on day to day life. again these are not just the aspects that leave physical scars as reminders.

    its a constant cycle of self hate and mental torture because of inner feelings of pain and worthlessness.

    everything I read, feel and know' tells me this is a cycle that is breakable and one that must be broken in order to see through it, but tis the one im struggling with the most. Self worth.

    So self worth,,, its easy to type,,,, but what happens when you believe with every fiber of your being that,,, somethings just arnt for you.

    Just wondering if anyone else is struggling with this concept or if you have any ideas of how to approach it?
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