Many, many drugs for years...clean now...still suffering the effects.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Eve-Lawrence, Apr 23, 2014.

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  1. Eve-Lawrence

    Eve-Lawrence New Member

    For years I took ketamine. Both by snorting and injecting. I also binged on copious amounts of MKat for near two years to the point where I lost my mind for a little while. Throughout I smoked weed everyday I also went through phases of LSD, Ecstasy in various forms and cocaine, all the while ketamine, valium and weed staying a daily constant. i turned 18 and after 6 years of heavy drug abuse (I'm not exaggerating all day everyday,) I got pregnant and stopped everything dead, I then went to prison whilst pregnant, came out gave birth and have played perfect mother for 2 years. I still feel severely depressed, yet now I do nothing to alleviate my feelings I just carry on pretending as such, I love my daughter dearly. But I hate life.
    Has anyone else stopped everything "cleaned-up" their act and still feel down years later and on the brink of going off the rails?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun good for you getting clean and staying clean hun Are you getting therapy at all to help with your depression i hope so it does help Hold onto your daughter ok she will be your joy and your light in your life but you also need some supports to help you heal from the sadness and emptiness you feel
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Congratulations on getting clean,im sure it was very hard. From your post,i get the feeling that you have what you wanted and got clean for(your little girl) but feel that something is missing..i could be wrong though. Do you have any friends that you are close enough to confide in? do you socialize much? after getting clean and having the baby did you apply to do any courses? much respect to you x
  4. soulreaper

    soulreaper Well-Known Member

    did weed regularly for 6 six years, got schizophrenia and quit then did cocaine regularly for 3 years got anxiety then quit. over all I'm happy about life sometimes I even get a natural high, feels like I'm floating on cloud 9. other times it can depressive and sad, usually when I'm tired.
  5. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Absolutely. I've been clean for 14 months off heroin and some days I still feel like I'm going to lose it and go back. Now that I somewhat got my life together again and instead of stealing money I'm actually working and getting my own paychecks, I don't know what the hell to do with myself. I feel like I need to learn how to enjoy life all over again. I'm used to never having any money in my pocket, and spending it all on dope when I do. Now it goes to cigarettes, food, and household essentials and I feel like it's all become an extremely monotonous, annoying routine that I'm getting really sick of really fast. But I mean, the main reason for that is that like I said, I don't really know how to actually enjoy life without drugs. When it comes to spending money on doing something that I actually enjoy to treat myself for the hard work I've done, it's like trying to teach a blind person to read. But of course if you spend all your time working and taking care of the family and the house and make it your entire life, you're going to feel the way you feel. Obviously, there are ways to enjoy life without getting high because plenty of people do, but many recovering addicts are clueless as to what those ways are. Most of us know what we're supposed to do to turn our life around, but that's about it. Once we get to that point, we're kind of like " what now? I'm living a normal life, but I'm miserable and I hate it." But that doesn't mean that you should go back to the way you were before. I know that I've busted my ass to get to where I'm at right now compared to where I was, and I'm sure you have too. So what I'm trying to say is, you don't want to give that up because of how you're feeling right now, that would be the worst thing you could possibly do and it's not worth it. Start trying to find things that you actually enjoy doing aside from work and all the other bullshit. Maybe you don't really know what those things are right now, and that's okay because neither do I really when it comes to my situation, but the point is just keep looking and trying. I'm sure you have some idea at least of what you might consider fun. Go out somewhere that you wouldn't normally go, take a vacation, do whatever to just enjoy yourself. It's a lot better to spend your money on those things than throwing it all away on drugs. I've felt like I needed a break from life lately too cause there's just too much shit to worry about all the time and it keeps piling on and never stops. Yeah, it would be nice to not have to care about any of it for just a day even, but there are other (better) ways to do that. Cause I know that if I go that route again, it's going to cause a ripple effect and soon enough I'm going to end up losing everything that I worked for this past year.
  6. redrobin62

    redrobin62 Active Member

    I've been off illicit drugs for almost 6 months now and haven't touched a drink in 3 months. Where is the happiness? I'm so depressed I can't stand it. I really don't want to go back to an active addiction, but this lonely miserable life sucks.
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