Marriage about to end - Might be losing my children forever !

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Faceless, Jun 13, 2014.

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  1. Faceless

    Faceless New Member

    I'm married with young children, however the relationship between myself and my wife has degraded to the point of no return.

    Today she has been texting me (while I'm at work) really quite damaging messages, that confirm from her perspective, our marriage is finished and she doesn't see me as a husband or role model father to our children any more - the oldest being just 4yrs old!

    I don't smoke, drink, or really have much of a social network of friends (plus family live some 350 miles away) - Ive been totally devoted to my wife + children. Plus I work a full time job, that pretty much keeps us all going financially. I live for my children, they have been what's kept me going through all the negativity of our marriage recently.

    It cuts me up inside coming home from work each evening now and seeing the joy and love I receive from my children, running up to me shouting "Daddy" as I walk in the door - knowing soon I could be out of their lives forever (but they wont understand this at their young age).

    My wife is foreign and if we do split, will be running straight back to her native country and take our children with her. Several thousand miles away. Her family also fully support her and would see me out of the picture as actually a Plus, in addition to having the children living with them (in their native country) permanently - to be honest its because of the 'In Laws', where alot of the conflict between my wife and I, has originated.

    A few years ago (before our children came along) I took an overdose, but was probably more a call for help, due to the abuse that was going on in our relationship at that time. I was pretty depressed. Now, the relationship looks like its going to end and obviously theres so much more to lose this time - my children! Plus I feel totally helpless as it doesn't matter how much I have tried to turn things around, its as if she just hates me constantly - frequently verbally putting me down.

    I'm close to ending my life, I'm feeling it could happen any day now, I've had suicidal thoughts for months (due to this abusive relationship) and am mentally prepared for this - this time WONT be a call for help. I know how I'm going to go, plus have prepared the "equipment" in my car, so could drive off and in 30 minutes the job would be done!

    I dont suspect she's having an affair or another interest (at THIS time), but if I was to learn that was the case, I'd be certain my role as husband plus father to my amazing children was about to end, and my fate would be sealed.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2014
  2. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Hey there, if you end your life you really won't see your children ever again, and if they find out why they cannot see daddy because he killed himself it doesn't matter how young they are they will live with that forever they will question everything and wish for one more moment with you even if it was a minute, a lifetime sentence for them.

    I know it's a pretty crappy situation, and I am sorry it is, your focus is making sure you can get access to your kids, and to that you need to take care if yourself. Whether that's writing on here working through those feelings and emotions and ways to build your life, and areas you want to work on. Or if you would prefer to speak to a doctor see what support groups are around you, group therapy or one on one.

    It is hard without family as you say living miles away but reach out to them, go and visit if you can recharge and plan in what you can do to ensure your children have both a mother and father, not sure where you are based but if it is in the UK Let me know and I can drop you a message with some organisations that can give some free advice on this, if it would help.

    Best wishes

    Rich
     
  3. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    Faceless, I've been where you are twice. Two women, two sets of kids.

    I get it and I have to thank you for sharing this. I know it seems so bleak and scary, and I'm sorry for that.

    I hope that instead of ending things, you begin posting on this forum more, get some help and learn from this situation.

    Keep reaching out, staying honest and true... and this will pass, I promise. To me you sound like a man with a good heart.

    I have ten years behind me with a similar situation and I just saw my daughter graduate from middle school tonight.
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I am sorry the marriage may be ending but that does not mean losing your children forever. Killing yourself means losing children forever and more importantly your children losing you forever. While I cannot speak to the laws in the UK, when in a very similar situation here in the US with my first wife that intended to take the children back to Italy when we were getting divorced it was very easy to get the court and state department to step in and say no, that would not be happening as the children were US citizens. Further, for international travel with children most countries require affidavits for entry if the children are no being accompanied by both adults. This is a little different in the EU with very lax travel and entry procedures due to proximity but the "several thousand miles away" makes me think that is not a case of France or Germany. The children most likely will have UK passports and cannot simply be taken away to a foreign country to live without your permission and inclusion in the process, particularly if you oppose that and take steps to prevent it.

    The important thing for you to do is try to check the emotions that immobilize you and lead to poor decisions and instead take steps to protect the children and your rights. Attorneys are expensive but Google is free - stick to real sites and not forums like this one where there is a lot of scary stories and little legal advice to learn about your rights and what steps to take to protect them. While depression makes things much harder to do, use the instinct of caring and protecting your children and rightful desire to have your children running to see you to fuel motivation to take steps to avoid this situation form going forward rather than to watch helplessly because you are not helpless in this situation and it doe snot matter what hurtful things your wife texts to you you can and do have ways to stand up for yourself. Ignore the hurtful texts but as a reminder that you need to make sure the children are raised in a more loving atmosphere than likely to have with her alone thousands of miles away.
     
  5. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    Aha sorry I didn't realise when I asked earlier you are In the uk so very tired, sorry about that. As promised though a couple of links that might be helpful:

    http://www.fnf.org.uk/home offer advice in their website, however if you wanted to use their services there is a small fee which they say is cheaper then a solicitor letter. I haven't had a proper look but I believe there us some useful information that might be a starting point for you

    http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/wales/relationships_w/relationships_factsheets.htm the cab offer free legal advice and what your rights are I have out the link for their relationship fact sheets, but you can also search for their nearest centre - there are loads in London with free advice normally a week to get an appointment though.

    And finally

    https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/ the lovely people at calmzone have a phone line just for men to talk about anything open 7 days a week 5 pm to midnight, please call them if you feel suicidal and talk stuff through. The link there also gives other resources and their website is pretty epic

    Hope this helps and sorry if it makes no sense so very tired!

    Rich
     
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