I'm not sure home to title this. But I'll put "pen to paper", and see if that leads me anywhere. *Long Read* Obviously, I deal with depression/anxiety/suicidal thoughts. It's why I keep coming back here. Trying to make some sense of it all. I think I've touched on the fact that my wife and I seem to be living more and more separate lives. I'm sure my issues don't help. But I also think she has her role to play as well. I don't hate my wife. She's done nothing wrong. But in our time at counseling, I often feel my wife just doesn't "get" me. And that's left a gap that has grown in our relationship. I'm pretty sure I've also mentioned that I suffered a pretty bad work accident that broke my leg very badly and resulted in a couple surgeries and over a year stuck on the couch. Again, none of these things have helped my mental state or our relationship. Recently, as I've gotten better, I went to visit my family and a few friends out of state at the urging of my therapist. He felt it would give me some perspective to get away on my own for a week or so. A very close, female friend of mine had recently gotten out of a long term relationship. I think we've always whether purposefully, or sub consciously, avoided eachother because I think, there's always been something between us. I tried to avoid her while I was away, but she was persistent, and I'm an idiot. So I ended up at her house a couple nights while in town. Nothing happened. But a lot was said. I think after all these years, we've said what was on our minds and got out what our friends (and significant others) have seen. It's been a couple weeks since I've been home. We've texted a few times, but nothing as serious as those nights. The last thing I need is to add to my issues. I'm desperately trying to keep her at arms length now that I'm home. I'm certainly not in a place to get divorced, or immediately rebound into another relationship. Like I said, maybe just putting some thoughts down and getting some feedback is therapy in its own right. I don't know. Feel free to chime in with any thoughts/ideas/questions. I definitely didn't think at my age, with everything else going wrong, I'd be dumb enough to lump this in. But here I am. I am human after all.