Married Men Sleeping around?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ~PinkElephants~, Jun 22, 2008.

  1. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    What do people think of married men going after vulnerable single women?

    This irritates me immensely. I feel like these guys are only after one thing and will say anything to get into someone's pants. I think they are predators. I think they target vulnerable women because they know how easy it will be to get to them. If they don't want to be married and want to sleep around get a divorce. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

    Comments, Thoughts, Opinions?
  2. ScouseJM

    ScouseJM Well-Known Member

    Im with you Kelleh :thumbup:
  3. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    I don't know if these 35-50 yr old men are married but they keep approaching me and I feel like throwing up especially when they ask 'are you in college' and i shout back 'NO' and then try and wack them with my backpack when i go past them.

    i'm used to men being predators around here. they aren't even married they are just older men who like to prey on young girls coming out of schools- and some young girls think there's some kind of status, danger in being with an older boy and feel flattered by their 'attention,' and perhaps are naive and emotionally immature and have a history of abuse in the family and then get themselves in relationships like my sister which i won't go into...

    if those married men are sleeping around and not telling their wives and it not being a mutual agreement- then i'd agree that sex would be the main thing on their mind...and their having no thought for the relationship that they were presently in at that moment. i generally do not like and do not trust people who lie- as in tell lies...
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2008
  4. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    They are predators. They're out there to find someone to validate their manhood because they feel old or whatever. Fuck their "midlife crisis" bullshit.

    Even if the wife knows about the relationships I think its still just about getting sexual satisfaction and emotional validation for the man. They're probably not going to leave their wife for the girl, they just want to have their cake and eat it too.
  5. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    I think that if it was married women sleeping around, they'd be people cheering her for her sexual freedom and blaming the husband for not making her happy enough. :smile:
  6. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    i dont agree to that at all. it hink there would be people around looking at her in disgust for not leaving her husbad and then doing what she wants. then when she is single they'd look at her as if she were a whore.
  7. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    Then those disgusted people are must keep it to themselves. I've heard of relationships breaking down due to cheating in real life, in my family, on television, online and in the paper. The comments made about it are almost always more supportive of women, even if they are the ones who cheat. Culturally, it's pretty much frowned upon as politically incorrect to judge any women's sexual life, although all men are equally guilty due to the actions of a few.

    After all, women apparently only ever cheat because of "emotional needs" and men just for base for sexual wants. The former is a justified reaction to neglect and the latter is just perversion. :dry:
  8. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    What is the reason for man to cheat then? Isn't it the same? Isn't it because they are sexually starved because their partner is not giving them what they need? I too have been surrounded by people who cheat. I have been cheated on and it debilitates ones want to find someone else or someone better.

    I still think the people they stay in a baseless, loveless marriage and then screw around are disgusting. Having your cake and eating to persay. If they are in a "supposed" loveless relationship then get the hell out. Get out and find something with love, instead of hurting people by going behind their backs and cheating on them. It's disgusting.
  9. JohnADreams

    JohnADreams Well-Known Member

    The point I was getting at during the end of my last post is that all humans cheat, for very similar reasons regardless of gender. Yes it can be just for sex; for to have any kind of emotional connection when your current relationship has none, to unintentionally sabotage your relationship, or due to being in love with someone else, or as a stupid mistake, or petty revenge.
    Yup it is, but some cant seem to move on with their life without someone else to move on to. Seems like this is more important to them than their partner's feelings. :dry:
  10. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    If the woman is of the age of consent, I suppose it is her business and her business alone upon whom she dispenses her favors. And, presumably having achieved majority she's aware that actions can and do have consequences, quite often very unhappy ones.

    Though I'm also curious what you mean by "vulnerable." Seems like it is a very small step from a term like that to something that amounts to an infantilizing of the female, as in they're obviously the weaker, less intelligent, etc., and therefore are obviously far less able to control their own behavior and their own affairs. Possibly a logical error on my part here, the slippery slope, but I honestly think not.

    Obviously, I have a far different take on the above re: those who are underage. Of both genders.

    A great many things irritate me immensely, from the stupidity of American life to the inability of the Red Sox to find a decent middle reliever, but I fail to see how my irritation translates to anything but the friction inherent in a free society.

    Those 'vulnerable' women, again. Are women really that inherently unstable, that they actually believe the garbage spouted by that type? I personally tend to give the women in my life more credit than this, but perhaps your experience has been different?

    I quite agree, actually. But you seem to be far too willing to excuse the conduct of women, 'vulnerable' or not for me to agree with your thesis.
  11. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    If any married woman did that in my family, they'd be beaten up and kicked out on to the streets as a worthless whore.

    I find it interesting that you equate women's 'vulnerablity' (I agree, we aren't clear what Kanini means by 'vulnerable' here) with 'inherent mental instability' rather than acknowledging that women are individuals who will have differing mental, social, emotional health issues and personal histories linked to their gender, their relationships with men all through their life that will effect their choice of relationship, and therefore will make them vulnerable to certain men's advances.
  12. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    when i was married i had a very crap time, no sex , no point of view etc etc, my wifr was over weight by alot but i still remained loyal.

    cheating while married is just in the make up of the man, and lets not forget the women who do the same.
  13. XXXXX

    XXXXX Antiquities Friend

    But it is part of the human condition to always try!

    "Vulnerable" is an interesting word. For me that applies to someone (of either sex) who is not able to make their own decisions for reasons of young age or mental disability, in which case their is someone else to make the important decisions for them.

    IMO "Vulnerable" gets used a lot instead of "dumb". Bright people make dumb mistakes. and dumb make them as well. often repeatedly.....doesn't make either of them "Vulnerable" in my book :unsure:

    If a woman opens her legs simply in exchange for a nice line in b#llshit (of whatever flavour), then fair enuf - it's called free will for both concerned......but then complaining that they have "been taken advantage of" when reality arrives is called dumb. By either party.

    The married thing is interesting. Yer seem to have a very black and white view of Married and not Married - possibly linked to the pieces of paper the Govt / a Religous nutter gives each participant? When in reality folk can be "married" long before the paperwork and "divorced" long before the dust is finally settled........with so many shades of grey in between that it is like a Rainbow. except in grey :blink::laugh:
  14. Darken

    Darken Well-Known Member

    "If a woman opens her legs simply in exchange for a nice line in b#llshit (of whatever flavour), then fair enuf - it's called free will for both concerned......but then complaining that they have "been taken advantage of" when reality arrives is called dumb. By either party."

    hahaha well said. The thing that is wrong with this situation the most is that the woman agrees to it. Don't degrade your standards people. That's why ignorance is so harmful to humanity. It shouldn't all be blamed on the man, we need to educate females (and males) from a young age about these kinds of things and how to avoid them and why. I agree that it is ridiculous though, just hurting people. I would be furious if my wife cheated on me I would turn psycho lol.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 23, 2008
  15. worlds edge

    worlds edge Well-Known Member

    I am simply noting that an adult of the age of consent is supposed to be aware that their actions can and do often have unpleasant consequences. Quite frankly, in the absence of evidence I tend to assume exactly the opposite of what you're stating in the above: that when someone embarks on a certain course of behavior they know what they are doing.

    In all honesty, it was unclear to me (and still is) what exactly is meant by vulnerable here. Very well then, what exactly is meant by the term? Either you take responsbility for your actions or you do not.

    What on earth does this mean? Are you saying the average woman or perhaps some substantial sub-set of them is in fact either too stupid or too confused to know what they're doing? That's candidly how what you're saying here reads to me. And I find such a conclusion ghastly, the sort of 'logic' used by totalitarian regimes everywhere and at all times. To acknowledge something like the above in the absence of specifics and careful consideration of each case is quite frankly monstrous.

    I disagree with determinism of this sort, that one's past is one's future. Don't you think women have brains? That they're capable of thinking that, hmmm, so and so is a married man maybe I shouldn't be hooking up with him, whatever bullshit he may be spouting? And that they're capable of doing this whatever their background?
  16. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    Men or women who sleep around while married are snakes. You agreed to something, fucking honor it or leave it. Don't give me this bullshit about kids and what not, you made the choice to stay with someone for better or worse.

    It ain't working? divorce, there done. Hey, if THEY cheat, you get the better deal (and if you're a real asshole you can maybe have the arrested and charged for it; though most states don't like to press charges).

    So, tricking a girl by lying to them isn't taking advantage of them? Think about that for a little bit. If you have no intention of leaving your wife don't tell someone that you will. I know that I'm guilty of a few "white lies" mostly about being able to play music or get someone into a club . . . But never "I love you". So many guys whip out this line and are just fucking lying through their teeth.
  17. XXXXX

    XXXXX Antiquities Friend

    No. As lying to someone does not automatically mean tricking them into doing something. A person can only be tricked / conned if they also agree to it.

    If yer don't know someone and their circumstances well enuf to know if they are lying or not about something like having a wife (being an Astronaut / a Billionaire).....then you have 2 choices:

    1) take a risk that it won't be true and live with the consequences;


    2) take more time before jumping into a relationship with both feet / granting access to yer rude bits :laugh:

    As you know this already, it can't be used to "Trick" advice is to judge folk on their actions not words. Over time and in both good and not so good situations. downside is that it ain't quick and easy to do.......and yer can still get it wrong :sad::biggrin:
  18. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    Do you include men here too? In your first post there were words like “favors” and “conduct”, related to this woman, which suggest you put full responsibility on her- that this hypothetical, single woman-seductress is going to bear most responsibility over the future of someone’s marriage. That, in this hypothetical situation, the exchange between man and woman is going to be completely free of things like psychological manipulation from the man, who, being married, is in a position of social privilege, over that woman.

    The age of consent is a law. It is made by governments who are in no way authorities on women and their very individual, complex personal lives. The age of consent doesn’t mean that at the age of 16, a girl is, on the eve of her birthday suddenly going to go through a miraculous transformation where she will be legally ‘emotionally mature-’ where her very individual experiences as a girl- and her personal relationships to boys, fathers, uncles, men in her life is suddenly going to be erased and not effect her future relationships.

    I cannot speak for Kanani. But if you’re interested in uncomfortable things faced by many 'average women' and girls like incest, rape, sexual, emotional, physical abuse carried out by men, family, universities and the workplace then there’s a wealth of information out there- including things like traumatic disorders, re-enactment, identity confusion, poor self worth, poor boundaries and patterns in future intimate relationships.

    When it comes to personal responsibility- I agree, one has to take responsibility for one’s actions but see above. Your posts do not address the man in this situation, but focuses on the girl as if her body holds all moral authority over this man and his marriage.

    gmork- if you are confused as to what I mean, why make such heated assumptions that are so off the mark? I am not saying the ‘average woman or perhaps some substantial sub-set of them is in fact either too stupid or too confused to know what they're doing.” That’s what you are concluding from my post, using your personal definition of 'logic'.

    Each woman is not your comfortable ‘average woman,’ with no internal war every day when it comes to living in this world as a woman. Each woman is an individual with her own personal consciousness- each with varying emotional, cultural, social, mental health experiences and personal histories in environments which are mostly male-dominant, which can, not always, make them vulnerable to being psychologically manipulated by men. For example, a woman with a history of being in a family where abuse from men is the norm, might have difficulty differentiating what is a healthy and unhealthy relationship in the future. I talk from personal experience and of many women and girls I know, rather than your caricature of ‘average woman.’

    The man in this hypothetical situation will be married and cheating-, this involve lies and deceit. This makes me assume psychological manipulation on the part of the man, which includes choosing a a girl, assessing her soft points, and using her. Responsibility of any abuse lies with the man, rather than the woman who will be on the receiving end. You do not mention the possibility of psychological manipulation from the man in your posts.

    I find it offensive that you assume that I don’t think women have brains.

    I am not determining anything. You repeatedly misinterpret my post, (deliberately or not, I cannot be sure) or I am not making myself clear to you. I am saying that patterns do exist, that ‘female vulnerability’ does exist and I take great offence at your association of 'female vulnerablity' with ‘inherent mental instability’ as if covert and overt male oppression and violence and the effects of this, does not exist. If you are genuinely interested in this field there are many people (women's refuges for example) who will make this clearer to you than myself, if this post again, is difficult for you to understand.

    I’d also be interested for clarity of your ‘average woman’ and the ‘type of man that spouts bullshit.’ They do sound like caricatures to me, far from reality, a lot like expectations supposed by the age of consent. When it comes to ‘bullshit’ you’d find that ‘bullshit’ is very difficult to assess and untangle when emotionally manipulated. You also make the assumption that in this hypothetical situation, this single girl will be of full knowledge that this man will be married. Chances are, this man wouldn’t be declaring this at full blast from a microphone while wooing her.
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2008
  19. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    There we have it, men are predators and women are indeed mindless sex slaves who have no will of their own. Thread over
  20. ggg456

    ggg456 Guest

    You understood my post perfectly Lead Savior! Thanks for your insightful response.