In case past this night, the last of my strength fades away, and my grip on reality slips and I fall, I’ll fight tonight with the sanity I have left to put something down, an apology (it’ll never be enough) a goodbye. The walls are closing in, I fight to breathe, push down panic the fear that overwhelms me. And though your wings are outstretched, Dragon, yours and those of our mother angel, I shrink away, in fear in shame, I run away, because I’m done. Sanctuary was always meant to be only temporary, a brief respite from pain, self-hate. Family, Safety, Hope… was never meant to bloom here. Dragons and Angels, fairies and creatures of the night, they were always meant to be respected, careful with, never to feel safe with, never to feel kinship with, for even an anguished, wounded shadow can taint these beings of light. Even these beings, so fair, so pure cannot save someone as tainted, as lost as me. To hope, to reach, to want to hold on during these episodes so I won’t be scared, so I won’t lose myself in these black waves, To want to be held within the safety of wings leathery, stronger than steel, feathery, softer than any child’s blanket, To want to be held together as the fear and misery bleed out of me, as wave after wave, of emotion of agony slam into me, unrelenting, bitter… is disgraceful… To want to be saved… To be spared from insanity is, has always been, will always be an impossibility. And yet I hoped, so on my own, I shattered, so on my own I take leave, the coward’s way out, On my own, I’ll walk away and say thank you, for letting me feel safe, like a child, for the few moments of innocence, I’m sorry, for being weak, for always breaking, no matter how hard I tried, Goodbye, because in the end I’m nothing but a burden, in the end, no matter how much I wish I don’t have to fight the loss of will to live, in the end, I will always want to die.