Mastered failure by trying hard

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by sia123, Apr 18, 2015.

  1. sia123

    sia123 New Member

    So yeh i mastered failure. I worked my ass off, sacrificed friendships, and the best years of my life to go to a crap university. Went to get a job with a good degree, but couldn't get in because my natural intelligence is crap ( No amount of work can change my natural ability). So i went for a different type of job, failed at that too. I tried focusing on the gym, but i found out after years my idols were taking steroids. Focused on my looks, and still got no where i wanted. I always been motivated but recently i can't find any motivation, i have been beaten down time and time after again and see no road. Killing myself is the only route now, or live everyday looking at my failures in life and how genetically useless i am. God made me a genetic failure, so i ant to test god on what is his "plan" for me, i want to <mod edit - methods> and see if that kills me. I don't want to live anymore, my brother is the only one that actually cares. My parents don't, i have no friends, no girlfriend, nothing, i just got one person but even i am an nuicance to him. I am too scared to kill myself, i started to self harm on a minor level, but i am too scared to jab myself too deep, i don't know why. I think overdosing will be easier i will just need to give myself one push to see what i am destined for.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 18, 2015
  2. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    "Genetically useless." Sigh. That's a terrible way to look at yourself. Social darwinism is not an inspiring or compassionate doctrine and you need a little of both right now. I'm sorry things are so lousy at the moment. Please do not give up, as tempting as it might be to just set the stage and leave it to the fates. You have intrinsic worth simply because you're a human being. I really think you could use a therapist who could help you see that and help you dial back your disappointment in yourself. You deserve happiness as much as any other human being on this planet.

    Welcome btw.