Maturing

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Okam, Jan 28, 2012.

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  1. Okam

    Okam New Member

    Good evening.

    Fact is, ever since my father died when i was 14 there hasn't been a month when the thought of suicide didn't cross my mind. It works in a very simplistic manner, each time something that i deem to be bad happens, the thoughts come back. I have never gotten to the point where i have gotten even close to doing it though, but the thoughts have always been there.

    However, i have noticed a significant change in how these thoughts have presented themselves along the years. At the beginning they were accompanied by a feeling of intense despair. And as i have grown older the impression i have is that these thoughts are maturing. It is not a mere blast of emotion like in the past, nowadays it actually feels reasonable to commit suicide. And the more reasonable it becomes the more feasible it becomes for me to do it. I feel closer and closer to doing it each day.

    I have been thinking on how to do it for quite some time. That is 2 years for a significant change to happen in my life. Or else i will do it.

    I hope you don't misinterpret me. It is not like i am screaming for help. Rather i just felt like not hiding the way i feel anymore, and considering how it would unnecessarily hurt those around me to tell them those things i simply prefer to do it online in a forum nobody knows me.

    Thanks for reading. :hamtaro:
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Okam...and welcome...the reasons you stated for posting are the critical reasons why we are here, to provide a forum to express those things which are so difficult to express IRL, and to find company along the way...there are so many people who have posted the feelings you have..you sound so insightful and have a talent for writing your experiences..please continue to let us know what is going on for you...welcome again
     
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