..... *May be graphic*

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Mike04, Dec 6, 2007.

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  1. Mike04

    Mike04 Active Member

    Hey everyone...

    I just snapped at myself...again. However, this time I took a screwdriver (small one, though), and stabbed myself in the leg. I didnt think much of it, until I felt liquid running down my leg, which was the blood from it.

    This was at work, when I was left alone. It was like all emotions just exploded; I cant stand this pain anymore.

    Now i am alone, typing this message thinking of what has happened. I really do not want this to continue anymore. Its only going to be a matter of time until i snap at myself again; except next time will probably be worse.

    Some of my coworkers also know about this now, and want to "help" me. The problem is they cant. I cant express my emotions to them; or anyone for that matter. I just want to be left alone, roll over and die alone. That will be the end result, anyways, so why not just end it sooner?

    Seriously. If I wasnt here, someone better would be in my place instead.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 6, 2007
  2. Bograt

    Bograt Active Member

    Why did you "snap", Mike? Did something specific trigger it, or was it like a slowly mounting wave of frustration and anger that got so bad you just had to do something? Talk about it, let us know not just HOW you feel, but WHY you feel that way. We can help and support you here, but we can probably do a better job if we know a little more about whats getting to you.
  3. Mike04

    Mike04 Active Member

    Sorry for the late reply...I didnt notice that you responded to this thread until now.

    That sounds about right.

    I tend to keep things to myself alot, as I cannot at all share my feelings to anyone. Its not that I dont want to--I simply cant.

    What (probably) triggered it is when I realized that there is no reason to talk, as no one will listen, nor care of what I have to say. This in particular happened with my supervisor. ...again. I dont want to get into specifics regarding that conversation though.

    I dont know if this "triggered" it. Nonetheless, it was the part that stuck with me to this day.
  4. __Rawr.Tigga

    __Rawr.Tigga Well-Known Member

    Hey Mike :]]

    Hope you're ok hun. I know what you mean about not being able to express your feelings. I want time and time again to tell someone, but I can't, no matter how hard I try. And then I realise there would be no point anyway as no-one would bother to listen, which makes it worse. So I can see why you might have snapped at yourself. I have done similar.

    Can you tell when you're going to snap? Or does it just happen? Is there a way you can tell and then do something to stop yourself from snapping?

    We are always here if you want to talk to us about things, and we will always try our best to help :]]

    Take care and keep strong hun,
  5. Mike04

    Mike04 Active Member

    Both. i.e., Some times I can tell, other times cannot. Other times I want it to happen. ...It is a way to express your emotions to the physical world in some way, even if you are the only person that understands and feels the pain.

    Thanks for the support, and I apologize of being a bit vague in my original post.
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