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May be time....

#1
Going through a divorce. Wife cheated on me 3 months ago after 14 years and is now with the guy. Now my depression and anxiety has gotten completely unbearable. I have 4 kids and they've pretty much cast me aside for the new boyfriend. I love my kids but hearing the things they say breaks my heart. Im not sure how much more I can take. I barely eat or sleep nowadays and have went into a dark place mentally. I've been researching methods and cant stop thinking about how much better everyone would be without me. I feel like there's no coming back for me now
 
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#2
Sorry that you're going through this Robert.

Even if your wife was unhappy with the marriage, she should have had a divorce or at least a separation before seeing someone else.

The boyfriend may seem great to your kids and your wife now, but the shine may wear off very quickly. Relationships that begin with infidelity very often go bad quickly.

Do you feel like saying more about this?

I love my kids but hearing the things they say breaks my heart
If you live long enough, you may be able to hear them apologize one day for what they've said. This new guy doesn't care about them. They're going to need you someday, it's just that they don't know that yet.
I barely eat or sleep nowadays
There are some antidepressants that increase appetite and sleep as side effects. You may want to talk to your doctor.

If you've got some support and you get the right treatment, I bet you can get through this even if it doesn't feel like that right now.

Do you want some suggestions about treatment?
 

Maagy43

Active Member
#8
Going through a divorce. Wife cheated on me 3 months ago after 14 years and is now with the guy. Now my depression and anxiety has gotten completely unbearable. I have 4 kids and they've pretty much cast me aside for the new boyfriend. I love my kids but hearing the things they say breaks my heart. Im not sure how much more I can take. I barely eat or sleep nowadays and have went into a dark place mentally. I've been researching methods of ss and cant stop thinking about how much better everyone would be without me. I feel like there's no coming back for me now
I am sorry you are hurting so much.

As long as you are alive, the chance for things to get better is there. I believe it will get better.

Your children would be devastated if anything happened to you. They may like the boyfriend. He is probably all fun and games. But you are their dad and they will always love you and come back to you.
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#9
i have never gone through that @Robert1979 but i can imagine how bad your pain is. as for the wife she is toxic to you so try to look for a woman that truly cares about you and will be faithful. the good news is people that put their partner down to their children usually regret it. the children seek out the parent and find out the truth and resent the parent that lied to them. so be careful not to put your wife down in front of the kids. my heart goes out to you.

mike..*console*sadhug*shake
 
#10
i have never gone through that @Robert1979 but i can imagine how bad your pain is. as for the wife she is toxic to you so try to look for a woman that truly cares about you and will be faithful. the good news is people that put their partner down to their children usually regret it. the children seek out the parent and find out the truth and resent the parent that lied to them. so be careful not to put your wife down in front of the kids. my heart goes out to you.

mike..*console*sadhug*shake
I just feel so down all of the time. Like I have no energy and just want to go to sleep and never wake up. I pray every night that I won't wake up
 

Walker

Admin
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#12
Hi Robert. Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you're here.
You were with your wife for 14 years. You have children together. You have a lot of history. You cannot possibly think that's going to feel okay after 3 months. I get that you feel terrible, and I understand exactly why. You feel how you feel and it's valid and justified. There's no way you can imagine feeling better right now but as is the case with many things, it needs time. You need to think about the future here, man. You have kids that need you. You think they are just going to be like "eh well we have a new dad now"? No, that's not how these things work. You'll mess those kids up for life if you kill yourself. (Spoken from someone whose mother killed herself) I realize that you're hurting - but you need to consider that this is temporary.
 

KM76710

Kangaroo Manager
SF Pro
SF Supporter
#13
I am sorry you are hurting so much.

As long as you are alive, the chance for things to get better is there. I believe it will get better.

Your children would be devastated if anything happened to you. They may like the boyfriend. He is probably all fun and games. But you are their dad and they will always love you and come back to you.
Good points: As long as you live you have chances because things change all the times and yes, about your children and the boyfriend. For them and the boyfriend it is a honeymoon period and that type of time often passes as time goes by.
 
#14
Hi Robert. Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you're here.
You were with your wife for 14 years. You have children together. You have a lot of history. You cannot possibly think that's going to feel okay after 3 months. I get that you feel terrible, and I understand exactly why. You feel how you feel and it's valid and justified. There's no way you can imagine feeling better right now but as is the case with many things, it needs time. You need to think about the future here, man. You have kids that need you. You think they are just going to be like "eh well we have a new dad now"? No, that's not how these things work. You'll mess those kids up for life if you kill yourself. (Spoken from someone whose mother killed herself) I realize that you're hurting - but you need to consider that this is temporary.
Its everything all it once right now. Anything that could possibly go wrong is. Im out of energy and icant even focus. Im so depressed i barely shower. I've missed so much work that I'm probably going to get fired.
 

Lara_C

Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#15
Give the Lexapro time to work Robert, but people often have to try more than one med before they find something that works. You've been through hell lately and still are going through it, and its "normal" when severely depressed to feel you will never feel good again, but however impossible it seems just now, with medical and other help and support you can come through this and find happiness again. What your wife did was selfish and wrong and I'm sorry youre understandably devastated by her betrayal, but imo you deserve a much better partner than her. However painful things are just now, you can find love again, and it wouldn't surprise me if it isn't long before your wife begs you to take her back after her sordid little affair falls apart, as they usually do. Not that you should take her back
 

cots

Well-Known Member
#17
Hi, I know its not the same but I did think of suicide when I had my first break up. He took everything from me and I wanted badly to die. I actually attempted but obviously that didn't work.

Don't let your self worth be determined by anyone else. I know you probably don't feel like it right now but if you show her that you have your life under control they might actually rethink this. My ex did try to contact me long after the break up but it was too late because there was no reason to talk anymore.

As for your kids, I'm not sure how old they are but they probably need some time to process things. Give it time. I'm sure they will reach out to you after getting clarity on the situation. You'd want to be there for them when they need you.

I hope you feel better soon Robert. Hang in there. Things will improve.

Stay strong!
 

1964dodge

Has a frog in the family
Forum Pro
SF Supporter
#19
Recovering and finding joy and stability is hard after 60. Not wanted.
it is much harder to find stability and joy after 60 but not impossible. i have one big piece of joy besides family and it does get me through all of the bad stuff

mike....*hug*shake.
 

Velveteen Bunny

Well-Known Member
#20
I've been through divorce. As a matter of fact, my second attempt was made after my husband separated from me, and was living in an apartment.

But I didn't succeed, and it was odd because a friend of mine and my mom called within minutes of each other, after I did what I did and left messages. I answered as my mom was leaving her message and told her what I did. I didn't really want to die, but I just didn't know how I could go on living with so much pain inside.

It took a very long time to get used to the idea that I was no longer going to be with my ex-husband and I went through a grief period. Now, I hardly think about him. But we didn't have any children together. We were married for about nine years, and dated for seven years before we got married.

I know with the children that you have, you will have a hard time not thinking about your ex. But trust me, over time things do improve. You just have to be able to get through this tough transitional phase, which is the absolute hardest time in the divorce. You feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on the ground, shredded to pieces by your loved ones, and it's hard to imagine how someone can be so callous and cruel, a person who you used to laugh with, someone you thought had your back and you had theirs. It's the ultimate betrayal. You learn not to trust, to put up barriers and harden your heart to protect the core of you, your self preservation. You also find other ways in life to find meaning and in those, you find your will to live. Some days you just want to stop existing, and then there are days that are somewhat better, until the time comes that you are finding yourself making goals again, and looking forward to little pleasures and feeling gratitude that you are still alive.
 

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