Maybe I should.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Gergin, Feb 9, 2016.

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  1. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

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    My roommate and I got into an agrument two days ago and he said some pretty nasty things to me. He knows my story and that I am struggling with depression.

    His car got repo'd so I was taking him to work for maybe around 5 months now. I didn't have a problem with it because I usually work 3rd shift so I have time to take him to work. Long story short he became very toxic towards me. Not being considerate of my hours or taking my car without my permission. Insulting me when I tell him that my property is mine and he can not do whatever he likes with it.

    Today when I got home, all his stuff was gone, he left an essay telling me what a horrible person I was and that I deserved everything that's ever happened to me. He also told me to enjoy not being able to pay for rent. He is In the wrong!!! But why the hell do I feel like this is all my fault? If I let him use my car more, he wouldn't have not left. Or maybe if I was nicer to him we wouldn't have gotten into an argument. Why I am the one who wants to fucken apologize to him? He's the bully. He's the mean one, not me.

    It amazes me how horrible people can be to each other. I don't know what to do anymore. I am so damn tired of fighting. So fucken exhuasted of looking to be understood.
     
  2. Akai_Namida

    Akai_Namida Member

    I've been in a similar situation with roommates before. Like, disturbingly similar. It's really strange how depression can make you think you're the one to blame in situations like this, especially when you're the one being taken advantage of. And it's really messed up when people in your life use your condition to their advantage to make you feel bad (does that make sense? I'm lacking sleep so I can't be sure). Anyway, I managed to realize after separatingmyself from the situation where I was being manipulated not unlike yourself, that after he initial bitterness, I was glad to just be done with it. Manipulative people exist and feedoff of what they perceive as weakness in others (case in point, your depression) to get what they want and then turn it against you when that doesn't happen. It's not your fault, and never will be. So disregard all the hurtful things said, if you can, because they aren't true. He's the horrible person. Not you.
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm sorry this happened. Your ''friend'' really needs to grow up and change his stinking attitude towards people. You were right for drawing boundaries so do not worry you are not in the wrong here. Sometimes it can be easier to apologise ourselves for what others do but trust me he is in the wrong and you deserve to feel better and to be treated with more respect, you took him to work for 5 months, you didn't have to but you wanted to help your friend and this is how he repays you, fuck him. You do not need him in your life. Best of luck yo you.
     
  4. mei

    mei Active Member

    From what I read, your roommate's a whiny little pain in the butt. Don't be so hard on yourself, doing any of those things might've postponed things but he would stay an ass and you don't need an ass in your life unless it's David Tenant's ass (I'm joking to cheer you up...). I don't think that you have anything to be sorry for. Some people take their friends for granted. Good riddance to your roommate, you're better off.
     
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    To me it sounds like you are A LOT better off without him. He seems to be a very manipulative person, and that's the very last thing you need in your life.

    You have no reason to apologize to him at all, but I understand how your depressed brain makes you feel that way, but it's not true.
    He is wrong, he is very, very wrong after the way he has treated you.

    You have been a way better friend to him than what he deserves.

    *big hugs* I hope you feel better eventually. This is never an easy situation, especially not when you have a past.
     
  6. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    Don't blame yourself, not at all, you should thank yourself for being so kind to him, you took him to work for several months, and of course he shouldn't have taken your property for granted. I think it's a good thing that has happened in your life, I really wish for a better person to come and be your roommate if you still want to live with one.
     
  7. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Wow, you are better off without him in your life. He sounds like a completely disrespectful douche. How dare he call you down so badly when you were doing nice things for him. He doesn't sound like a real friend at all.
     
  8. Gergin

    Gergin Well-Known Member

    Thank you all for the support, it has put my mind at ease. The shock has disappeared but now I'm just very angry now. I work out to distract myself but I'm still very angry when I'm done.
     
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