maybe i'm cursed..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LightInTheDarkestNight, Jun 30, 2011.

  1. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    I had the most sincere intentions two years ago after all the guilt from past mistakes, I wanted to treat a girl right, I had genuine and sincere intentions... Yet I only got used and abused..... toyed with in so many ways, lured out and attacked.... it wasn't just one women. First it was J... you used me and played games, trying to wreck my reputation.. you were receiving money from other guys for sex... Then it was V I really fell for you however I was merely your victim... you're a dangerous women... sure you have some good to you but still taking a fragile guy like me and toying with me was so very wrong... Then L.. you played some cruel games as well due to my observations I could notice it. Even though I was your victim I still liked you and V for some strange reason. There was much more covert bullying and intimidation as well....

    At this point my mind was so messed up and I was a not as considerate to some other women... my self esteem was totally shot and I knew my enemies were on to me. I thought I was only good for sex. I'd hang out with a girl and if she didn't want to have sex with me I felt not good enough...

    Even my sons mom I found a text in her phone "I'm worried they'll find out I'm a slut" when supposedly I was only the second guy she had sex with...

    Then I had to be lured out and set up on my bday my enemies toyed with and assaulted leaving me with a broken bone and making me unable to work out. It was all done in a conspiracy way..

    It was also done in a way someone too nice like my mom wouldn't believe me, since their was no "hard proof"... Nice people who lack understanding think why would anyone do anything evil they feel bad thinking bad thoughts about anyone... This gave me a secondary victimization... She even told me V "loved you" when she didn't know her at all. My mom is extremely naive and thinks that people are filled with idealism like her...

    The reality is that as one person told me you're in a hooker pyramid.... V had a "protector" she taught "piano" all over the city and there were many many other strange things going on with her.

    Why couldn't you people have just left me alone, revenge and being cruel is stupid and wrong.... If you don't have genuine intentions leave someone alone. Especially if you have cruel intentions just back off...

    Due to all of my abuse and some other stuff I went "crazy", my mind was poisoned by all of the evil that had been done to me. That lead me to do something when I wasn't in my right state of mind that now has me lots of enemies, I'll have to watch my back forever, looking over my shoulder.

    Then when I finally opened up again.. after the OCD I had and trauma feeling somewhat ok physically..

    I just got used and abused again. Me and my sons mom started dating she picked a fight over nothing really and then told me she still liked her X whom she had been broken up with for a few months. She told me how she made a fake FB account wit her friend to see if he'd go for the bait. Then she went on a online dating site to meet other guys. I teased her about a 300lb guy who came to meet her saying she liked bigger guys and she personally insulted me. She's quite irrational and immature saying some very harsh insults and judgments albeit she grew up without her biological dad so I'm sure that caused her some issues...

    To be honest she isn't even my type looks wise weighs as much as me is a BBW... Yet I was willing to be with her for my son.

    The same guy she went to when she was pregnant and I had so many issues. I texted her to work things out before I went "crazy" but she was with him and had changed her phone #....

    another girl I liked, used me and was very cruel to me as well, she lied about not having a BF she came to visit and was hooking up with other guys. Before she left I found out she had a BF.. Then when she moved here after leading me on picked a fight with me over nothing and got some guy to pick her up from my place...

    and finally my last so called "gf" was sleeping with tons of guys and playing sick games. I heard from my son's mom friend she slept with 20 when it was supposed to only be three including me..... She was using me and gathering info on me.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_manipulation

    I was these woman's victim, once they got their use out of me they abandoned me..

    Even my son's mom around when she got pregnant I was willing to spend more time with her but she always had to go home the next day because he mom had to use her to watch over her other kids..

    I'm mad at my parents for lacking understanding, if someone tells you they've been hurt you give them the benefit of the doubt.. My dad felt like the victim of the family so he scapegoated me when I went "crazy".. and I only ended going through an extremely horrible experience..

    I'm also so mad at myself for not going with my gut instinct that's how dangerous women get you.. Why would I be so stupid to think a genuine girl would like me....... I was even told not to see any more women but I was so lonely and wanted someone I wanted to be serious with aka meet me immediate needs but that only lead to me being deceived and victimized...

    oh yeah and I have lot's of health problems debilitating fatigue, skin problems that don't feel good, peripheral neuropathy, I could go on and on, but I think you can get a general idea..

    I am a nice genuine, compassionate, guy with a good heart yet I just got screwed by the world and messed up myself by not going with my gut instinct allowing these dangerous people to harm me...

    I've harmed others in the past which I feel remorse and regret nothing like stabbing anyone or stomping them... I also have tons of guilt that I have a son and with all of my physical and social issues he will suffer..

    People who hate me aren't the type to "forgive and forget" or even try to understand that I went crazy when I did the thing that harmed them. By far the most likely they only care about their own point of view. They will minimize any harm in their minds that was done to me, oh it wasn't that bad yadda yadda.

    The reality is I had the purest intentions and am a nice guy. I needed someone with white knight syndrome to be a hero for me. Yet I was mostly met with people who were out to harm and victimize me, be cruel...

    Why is this world so cruel and cold.... People are way too vindictive as well, as a one quote goes men are more prone to revenge injuries then to requite kindness... People do think up some sick revenge plots...

    Anyways I'm just venting here, I'm far from a saint but really this isn't the way my life should be.. Despite my mistakes I deserve a much better fate....
     
  2. crashnburn

    crashnburn Account Closed

    i know your hurting at the moment,, but us girls arnt all bad. there are some nice genuine ones out there. Dont give up. you can PM me if you need toXXXX hugs xxxx