maybe im just overeacting.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lovemypony., Jul 23, 2008.

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  1. lovemypony.

    lovemypony. New Member

    this is my first time posting here :p
    but see,
    my lifes not really that bad.. im not living on the streets.. although somedays i wish i were away from here, even if it did mean for me to be in a cold subway station looking for some spare change, but sometimes i think..
    could i really go through with it ?
    my parents have no clue im eeven thinking about it, although with what my mom says to me.. im surprised i havent run away yet.. or worse.
    im not here to dump my problems on you guys,
    but, like.. i ever since we moved here about 8 years ago my life has been down the tubes, i owned 5 horses when we got here.. one of them was blind and got sold .. one died.. and now were left with three and over 80thou in debt to the barn.. riding is my whole life, i love my pony with all my heart.. but hes getting older now hes about 30 and i dont wanna have to go through the pain of losing the love of my life.. it would be like losing a big brother since hes been in my family longer than i have..
    schools not a peace of cake either, but i just blame that on beiing a teenager..
    recently a guy i knew since i was little had been in a fatal car crash leaving another boy dead, and a girl i had known since i was little with severe leg trama, [amputation] and also, leaving him the driver dead... and his girlfriend about a month later commited suicide..
    and i wonder.. why do people take their lives? shouldnt she have lived on for him? isnt it selfish to ruin other peoples lives just because they didnt like theirs?
    but i realized.. not everything gets better.. not everything passes on.. the world is a cruel place and if your not cruel with it, you go no where.
    now , i ride horses.. and i have been since i was born..
    not to be cocky but im pretty good, ive watched videos of myself and stuff, and my older sister is better than me , but now im started to be asked to ride the ponies that she would usually ride, and she will say stuff like " you should quit riding " and " you cant ride" just to get to me , also my mom calls me named too, im not skanky, shes a really strong catholic and i dont really get along with alot of girls because i just cant take drama cause alot of the girls i was around i wanted to punch out half the time, and its easier to talk to guys but my mom thinks im a huge slut when im not.. i had this boyfriend like 6 months ago and we kissed in the movies and now she wiill call me a "slut,scag" and will say that she wants me to get tested to see if i have had sex.. WHICH I HAVE CLEARLY NOT I AM THIRTEEN.. like .. i have morals and i swear im not having it till marraige..
    that is.. if i want to get that far in life.. :S
    i wanna just stick it too them.. and die.. to show them that they should have been nicer.. they should have not said those things, they should have said what was good instead of focusing on the bad..
    i wanna hurt badly that maybe they will realize that what you say will really get to people and drive them to this..
    i dont know how else to deal with it, this really is my last resort.. :S
  2. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's understandable that you want to show them, get revenge and put them in their place. People so often do not realize or do not care about how hurtful their words can be.
    But it's not worth taking your own life just to show them, your better then that. One day in the future when you have a career, etc and you've moved out then you don't have to see them since you will be an adult. Maybe then they will realize that they under-estimated you.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi S and welcome...dying to spite others??? not a good about being the best YOU you can be and then they will have to eat their words...i think the best revenge is to better one's self...sounds like you are quite the jealous as I live in a big city with very little access to horses...and about who you hang out with...choose ppl who will add to your life regardless of their gender...hope you feel better and that you enjoy the vibrancy that you have expressed in your thread...big hugs, J
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hello S,
    Don't let your mom or sister deter you from what you love most. I have a neice who is into horses big time. She barrell races. She has two horses to take care of, and my sister in law has one. my neice works for a friend of theres, they have 18 horses and she gets paid for riding them.
    I give you credit because taking care of them is alot of work. They keep trying to get me on one. There isn't any way. I have a bad back and haven't riddin since I was about 15.
    I know you will find friends especially as you get older. Who knows maybe you will find some who also ride. I wish you well, and keep riding!!
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