Maybe I'm not meant to live

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GoldenRoses, Oct 31, 2015.

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  1. GoldenRoses

    GoldenRoses Active Member

    I'm at the point now where I can't even believe I'm forcing myself out of bed in the morning. Many of you know I suffer from chronic migraine headaches (5 years in total, but this past ache has not gone away for over 4 months. Not one day without pain in my head), but I'm also struggling with progressing scoliosis (which also causes my legs to hurt due to the brace pushing on a nerve), tarsals coalition in my ankles, joint pains in my knees and jaw, ear aches, constantly feeling exhausted, and of course all the migraine side effects like severe nausea, stomach cramps from the medication, dizziness, lack of concentration and more. Oh, and I'm only 15.

    I'm sorry to complain, but no one else will listen. You don't know how frustrating it is, to have people constantly telling you "just suck it up, it'll get better" when it never does. I am so sick of everyone saying "go to this doctor, take this medication, do this crazy thing" and it never works. It's not getting better, and forcing all of these crazy treatments on me certainly isn't helping. I spent a week in the hospital and ended up getting much worse.

    No one can figure it out. I am physically and mentally exhausted, with no will to continue on. If I'm this screwed up, maybe I'm just not meant to be alive! Everyone would get over me pretty quickly. There's billions of other people in the world, what's one missing?

    I went to school for half a day last week because I was so sick. I used to have straight A's, but now have to face failing classes because I just can't keep up. Yes, of course I've talked to the counselors, but any changes they're making are slow and minuscule. I don't like school anymore. In fact, I absolutely dread it. But I can't be home schooled, nor will I drop out for this semester. I'm trying to get as much work done as I can at home, but no one understands how hard it is when you're constantly in pain. I don't know how I'm going to get through this semester though -- and who is going to hire a vet who failed high school?

    What's the point. Every aspect of my life has already disintegrated. I really don't think it'll get better.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi sweetie, I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going though. I did suffer from severe stomach cramps for months though and the pain was driving me insane. Now I have a broken ankle, so in agony now with that too.
    But headaches for 5 years must be SO frustrating especially when they cannot get to the root of the issue, cannot imagine what you are going through hun, you are 15, only a little girl, i feel so sorry for you If you ever need someone to talk to I am always around.
    Keep seeking medical attention and hopefully one day they will find the problem
  3. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    GoldenRoses, I am so Sorry, I have Migraines to I have had them since I was in the 4th grade, I have Cluster Migraines So I know and Feel for you! I have been through sound deprivation even so I know what you are dealing with, I thought I had it bad but I don't
    I went from the fourth grade to Freshman In HS before they decided I had Migraines, they had thought I was faking all that time!
    the only thing That I can connect them with in my case is the Fact I got hit by a car and thrown 35 feet to a stone wall, I had amnesia from just prior to the accident but I never regained my memory for 2 weeks prior, that fall going to school is when my migraines Started So I can really relate, they will not say that I have a real cause, they just say it is unexplained. I hurt for an with you I empathize. I wish I could do something, oh for my treatment nothing works on them I have to be put out with Demerol an phenergran to prevent nausea, that is the only thing that works, some times they are so bad it will not put me out. I need to have a 2nd Shot! I can imagine what do they think in school Jeez that is so stupid to make you go through that at all, some people are Idiots. I know what it is , Youn ever should have to apologize because it is not your fault, You have to draw the line when it comes to that once again it is not your Fault You are a smart articulate young lady, I honestly an truly would help you if I could! but please HOLD ON! Please you can get better, I do not know where you live but In Boston Mass there is a Headache research center at Faulkner Hospital, I do not know if they could help but it would never hurt to ask! Please do not harm Yourself you are 15 , I know you hurt I really do I can almost feel it in my head right now but It can get properly diagnosed tomorrow, things like that do happen! Take care of yourself and tell them you will not apologize to anyone for being sick, It is not your fault Be Safe Please an Be gentle with yourselF!
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