maybe im not normal...

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lav11, Nov 13, 2012.

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  1. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    not sure if this is where i should put it, but i think it relates to this topic mostly.. let me know if not

    so a fair bit ago i moved back in with my mother and err some people who have hurt me in the past.. well i met up with my councellor today... it was insanely bad... well, we started talking and well living with people who have hurt me, AAAARRRRGGGH! she told me she wanted me to leave, far far away... like 2 hours away from i am now, she said to go there and she can see about getting me a small place there to hide out and to make a police statement.. tell them everything...i started freaking out and trying to do whatever to get stuff not reported again from her, told her I think it was a good idea to stay where i am now and it isnt too bad and i can suck it up.. well yeah.. she said "hows sucking it up going for you now --my name--. i think your f**ken bloody irrational and you can quote me on that. f**ken bloody irrational, if you dont leave things arent going to change --my name-- "
    ARRRRGGGH!!!! i cant run away again, i just cant.. and theres no way i can go to the police.. i just.. i cant :'( I cant..

    i wish people could understand where i am comming from, but it feels like people just expect me to react completely differently to what i am....i dont know.. am i supposed to be running off to the police the second something happens?.. i dunno, is there an expected reaction to abuse?.. i dunno.. i feel like i cant be a normal functioning person, i cant be a survivor and now i cant even be a victim because im reacting in an unexpected manner??? because i dont want to tell the police and because i feel i cant leave.. is it strange to act in this manner....

  2. CosmikJack

    CosmikJack Member

    First let me say, why would you want to be normal?when being us is so much fun. Onto the next, I'm not sure what kind of trouble your in but if going to the police could endanger your life more than not going than I would say to keep doing what your doing. Look that survivor/victim shit, is all bullshit, doesnt matter where you are it is BULLSHIT. Be you, dont look for a copout, if you have been being abused take care of it the best way you can, save yourself, human preservation. When all else fails, protect your life, I know that sounds odd(but it is the ultimate reason), we can't off ourselves because it is natural for us to persevere through obstacles and horrible shit. Great day to be a human, huh? Also i definitely recommend trying to find other quarters than with your mother if there are abusive people there. I apologize if I didn't or couldn't help in some sort of way, but I like to hear myself sometimes. luck and chance be with you.
  3. lav11

    lav11 Well-Known Member

    i guess im just tired of being told im ddoing the wrong thing, i should do this or that makes more sense to do it this way or "your irrational" etc etc..
    i did tell my T that i was scared of reporting, itd take about three years till it goes to court and the police stated themselves they couldnt keep me safe, why on earth would i report when im being told the police cant stop them from causing injuries to me.. thats up to me.. BLAH.. thats why my counsellor suggested i leave town to do so, ive done that before, theyve found me...
    i guess i just want someone to say i can see how hard things are but your doing the best you can.. instead im getting told "you havent been dealt any easy llife thats for sure but you shoud...."
    i have moved house over 10 times this year in attempt to run away.. it doesnt work.. if i could leave and know i was safe i wouldnt be here, thats for sure.. yet i always end back here one way or another...
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