Maybe its my time?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by killer, Apr 22, 2014.

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  1. killer

    killer New Member

    I have been living with the man of my dreams for a little over a year now. Up until a few months ago, I thought things were great. Apparently not. I love him more than anything. Today he left me; saying I am inconsiderate and selfish. I admit, maybe the last few months I let things go, and began not to care so much; but maybe a reason why? I work in a doctors office that the doctor has been doing some not so good things. A weeks and a half ago I lost a patient that was verty dear to my heart. Lately I have felt like I cant do anything right, at home or work. He's not happy because I don't notice he needs help, but what about me? A week ago I pulled a gun out of his mouth while he was tryting to kill himself. Then the next day he was fine, but its more for me to stress about. I begged him to get some help, even just talk to someone. But nothing, no attempt to seek any help. Well now its my turn. I have been strugling with work, and home, and babydaddy, and my house falling apart. I have been doing everything I can to keep the stress away from him. Today he tells me I'm worthless and leaves. Maybe he's right. Another failed relationship, another failure at life. Theres been so many lately I cant keep up. I don't usually try to make everyone happy, but lately all I have been doing is making everyone mad. I feel like everyone would be happier without me. He wont have to worry about me, babydaddy will have what he wants, and the stress from work will be gone. Everyone will be happy. It wouldn't be hard, wont even make a mess. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. I wonder if anyone would even notice I'm gone. Maybe when I dont show up to work people would wonder. I love him so much, I can't see how I've been so wrong. Everything Ive changed for him, and done. It means nothing now. Instead he's killing me all over again by sitting at his exgirlfriends house. When he's not mad he really is a good person. He's good to me and my son. Am I really the problem? Have I caused this to happen? Maybe I am the problem... maybe this is my way out.
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I am REALLY sorry you are in so much pain. I also am sorry you lost a patient who was dear to you.

    Being left by someone (the babydaddy) you love is a horrible thing. Especially when self esteem is not strong anyway. I would not ever believe someone who calls another person worthless. How could you be worthless if your heart is good enough to have had a patient who was dear to you? I do not believe his words. Even though I do not know you.

    You have a child? How old is your child? Sounds like even though you have problems going on, you have less than the babydaddy. So maybe thats a reason to stay alive. Believe me, I want very much to die. But I also know there are reasons I cannot go through with it. As much as I want to. Glad you are here. This is a great community, as far as I am concerned. People can be honest about how they feel. They dont have to hide their pain when they are here. I am not currently in counseling. But I do recommend it to others. Especially when they are in a time of upheaval and crisis. Take good care. And please keep posting.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You need someone that cares for YOU hun he is an emotional blackmailer he is He is using you and when he wants he leaves to his ex You do not need that stress nor does your son hun I am sorry you are grieving right now but in time you will find someone that will respect you ok He has his mental problems you cannot fix that for him he need professional help like you said You need to take care of YOU and your son only so please hun if you have to you reach out and get some counseling ok but stay safe you will find a better person you will
     
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