Maybe its time

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by My_eyes_lie, Oct 4, 2009.

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  1. My_eyes_lie

    My_eyes_lie Well-Known Member

    I have been suffering from anorexia for many years. I am in intensive outpatient treatment right now following my last inpatient stay. I don't feel like i can go on like this anymore. I hate living in this body. I feel terrible at a healthy weight and i feel terrible underweight. I have a huge stash of pills that i have been thinking about taking for a long time. I know i have a lot to live for. I just can't stand living trapped in this body :(
     
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    :hug: Honey, we have much more than our body. I'm 52 now and the parts of me that don't look young anymore, I put clothes over. Please stay. Post here as much as you need to. Once I let go of worry about how I looked, I was free to experience what is around me to enjoy.
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I know it isnt anything that can help you right now. But exactly what Vivian said. Guess it just comes with age, but there comes a time when you know you arent defined by what your body looks or feels like. You realize you are you. You dont need to try and look or feel like what others or even yourself expect. And you just accept that you are you inside and outside of your skin. I used to be extremely underweight. Now I'm not bad (okay, still dont want the "baby fat" that I never seemed to get rid of after my last pregnancy I was 40 at that time now 45). I see pictures of myself and think why couldnt I see what was there in front of me. People saw those pictures and would comment on how skinny I was. People would see me and give the same comments. I couldnt see what they saw. I didnt want to see what they saw. At that time, that was just as much an insult to me as it was to call an over weight person fat. I see now in those photos what they saw then. I'm okay with how my body looks now. I even go out without make up another thing I would never of even considered just a few years ago. Maybe instead of focussing on your body focus on you. Eat to be healthy. Eat to keep your strength up. Do the things you like even exercise but in limitation. Or just dont give in to what the world expects and has drilled into you and just be you. I know its the shits what you're going through but you've found a place that if nothing else you now can voice the things that you could never bring yourself to say in the real world. No body here cares about how it sounds or the way you say it. We just want you to be able to say it so that any help, advice and support that is here will fall your way. Please be strong and know you arent alone in your battle hun.
     
  4. starlight85

    starlight85 Member

    Hi hun
    I was inpatient twice for anorexia,I cant preach here as Im going through a hardtime just not with eating-which shows in my mind that food wasnt the issue-dont give up cos of this,at least give your self a shot at having a normal weight for a bit and get help with the real issues that are behind the anorexia.xx
     
  5. My_eyes_lie

    My_eyes_lie Well-Known Member

    You all are great. I do see a therapist and dietitian once a week and i weigh in everyday with my doctor. My support network is great. Its the inner turmoil i am struggling with.
     
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