I was awake all last night...I didn't want to sleep. I ended up dancing with 'no one' for about 3 hours in my bedroom last night. I had wanted to kill myself last night and I'm normally very logical, but I think that dancing was the first obvious physical manifestation of the fact something inside me has always wanted a girl, while the rest of it has said 'how can you expect to get a girlfriend if you dont go out/ look at you! pathectic (etc), why would a girl like you' etc etc...I'm kind of confused by this. I know I've always had that feeling and I've kind of felt that they are just slightly abnormally stronger then they should be...and i think they contribute to my want to not live....but i dont know....maybe i'm losing it?