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Maybe there is a ray of hope?

#1
Yesterday I almost felt ’good’ dare I say...at least not as many thoughts of self harm. it was my wedding anniversary though so that helped. Today, half of the day I was motivated...exercised, took pretty good care of myself, etc..yet now I am anxious and somewhat depressed again. I know my trigger, as silly as it sounds, was I received a text from a friend of mine with pictures of her and her husband off to a halloween party...smiling, etc. This is a friend who has had more heartbreak than most of us will ever know ... the most recent being she lost her brother and her mom within 3 weeks of each other this year due to Covid. Couldn’t help but think that I used to be happy...trauma Before my son‘s wedding destroyed me and then my stupid actions as a result of it caused me shame and guilt. I am doing Erp therapy and part of it is accepting the uncertainties of the unknown...and one of my unknowns is suicide. I just got real scared again....scared that I could hurt myself.
Will I forever feel this way? I know I will never be who I used to be but damn, I need to believe there is hope!
thanks for listening....
 
#4
Yay! *stars

Do you think you would be able to change how you would respond to things like that? Like what if instead you thought, "She's gone through so much hardship, but it looks like she's having at least some happy moments sometimes. Good for her. Maybe I can do the same thing".

Hugs
That is a good point ... when my guilt and shame
Yay! *stars

Do you think you would be able to change how you would respond to things like that? Like what if instead you thought, "She's gone through so much hardship, but it looks like she's having at least some happy moments sometimes. Good for her. Maybe I can do the same thing".

Hugs
That is a great idea. Her problems don’t include personal trauma like mine, not saying it makes things easier but in some ways I think it is. I am not comparing problems though I guess I sort of am. Recent trauma that resurrected years of old trauma has destroyed me,
 

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