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Maybe there is no way out of this one?

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A friend of mine has been with his girlfriend for 7 years now and just this week found out he had h.i.v, not through sex but shared needles a long time ago.
The girlfriend doesn't know of my friend taking the test (dan) but dan now feels that he should end he's life as he cant cope with all the hurt that he's girlfriend and her family will go through if he tells her! i want to give him the best advice i can, and along with my own problems it's the main reason i joined, so you're advice here is much welcome
Thats what i told him and he is planning to tell her, the only thing is that he's talking about ending his own life when she know's! i really dont know what i could tell him that would make him not commit suicide as it's something he has thought about more and more over the last few weeks, and what makes it worse is that he feels sure she has it too as her health has been bad over the last few years :(


Well-Known Member
In some critical ways, yeah, it's an impossible situation. The only part of it that isn't impossible is if the guy kills himself or not.

Obviously she has to know. Whatever happens after that, don't blame yourself. He's responsible for his own actions. So if he commits suicide like he says he will, it's not your fault.

The best you can do is tell him you don't want him to kill himself. Just be honest with your feelings. It may be enough to sway him.

If it isn't...it will be an awful tragedy, and my condolences will go out to you.
thanks for the advice rocketpop i feel thats the best action to take, but with any other situation i'd just say "it's gonna be ok" and to brave it out, but i feel even i would kill myself if i were in his shoes :( but i'll try my best to help him.


Well-Known Member
He HAS to tell her ASAP. She might have broken up but sometimes people hook up just as quick. no moral judgement here, that's just how it is.

Also, if the girlfriend also has aids, she might have contact, via work or social activities, that carry dangers. She could get pregnant, breastfeed, get a tattoo, go to dentists and endanger all manner of people. however small the risk might be.

In fact if your friend does not tell her, he could easily be charged. It is a crime I think. I'm sure some law is being broken - but certainly a moral law would be pretty much smashed into bits if your friend kept his own silence over this.

Aids can be treated when it is diagnosed. The sooner it is detected, the better chance a person has of easily living another few decades. It used to be a death sentence but these days, you can live along life with it.

Your friend should have been honest about the needle use. That said, it seems a bit reckless waiting seven years after that to get a check up, I once had an aids test due to an accident were a sharp object contaminated with blood from a heroin user, injured me. I was OK in the end, but it was a slim chance of getting aids for me. I would not have touched a women whilst waiting for the results.

As for your friend committing suicide, this would foolhardy and needless. Hopefully, his girlfriend will not have aids, but even if she does, it is not his fault IF he was tested after his needle use. 7 years ago it was pretty much well known that anyone sharing needles was dicing with a few diseases, aids being the No 1.

If he has hidden his past drug use from this girl and only just recently had a test for aids then I guess he would be perceived as reckless and, to some degree, culpable also. The moral of the tale, no matter what, boils down to honesty. In this case, no matter how your friend feels about himself, he has a duty to impart this unfortunate information ASAP.

As for suicide, I hope and pray that he chooses not to do this. Injecting drugs is always a bad move, maybe those who criticise free needles in the UK ought to consider that most of the long term drug users, who do inject maybe two or three times a day - generally don't have aids.

The sooner we decriminalise drugs the better it will be for all concerned, apart from those who profit from illegality.

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
They have developed many medications that can keep in remission so to be speak You need to tell him that and to tell him to get help for both him and her
There are meds being developed everday HIV is not a death diagnosis now it is treatable okay tell him that so both can get treatment they need to stay well
Thanks for all the help and advice guys :) it's nice know there are some forums left in the world with honest people who will try to help you, many thanks :)
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