Maybe they're right....

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Ozzy Manson, Mar 10, 2010.

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  1. Ozzy Manson

    Ozzy Manson Well-Known Member

    I'm startin to think now that maybe my friends are right, they say i'll be dead before i'm 20, either by using too much or by suicide. I got a request on facebook by one of these same people to that a quiz that says when you will die and brief sentence or so about how. well guess what i got? "you will die and age 30. What happened to your innocence? In school you're always like ''Dugs are bad, I won't do drugs'', but looks like you didn't keep your promise. You will die by a drug overdose." follwing my posting that, i flooded by ' i told you so!' comments haha currently I smoke about a pack and a half a day, i do pot, and i luuuuuv beer. on top of all that i drink liters of soda at a time, and always will take somebody up if they offer me any kind of drug or alcohol. I'm wondering now especially after that FB thing if maybe my friends are right bout me......
     
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    I don't think much of facebook at all and avoid it at all costs I will say this though if you keep using you are going to die inside if not inside AND outside...you just hand over all you are to drugs and you lose yourself and the journey back is worth it but BRUTAL...just look at a few of the posts my member here.

    When I think of people that use a lot and when I did I was really self medicating...I just wanted to feel any other way than the way I was feeling...you name it I did it! So I guess my question to you is why do you feel the need to self medicate? Some look it as a slow form of suicide, would you say this is true of you? Some look at it as a form of punishing onself, would you say this is true of you too?

    If you would like to talk about why you use and how you are feeling I am here for you ...I have been down that road and just found nothing there good so I am here to support you in getting out-it ain't easy but it is a far better life to lead.

    Take care, Bambi
     
  3. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i don't know that i would listen to that test to be honest. i used hard crap for years upon years and here i am. for me it was a form of suicide because i didn't want it to appear to be an outright thing so i chose drugs. i quit drinking many years ago, but then again it was because it nearly killed me. go figure.

    i have since quit using everything and i'm really feeling so much better for it. like bambi said i would encourage you to think about why you do these things, and then you can work with it from there.

    take care.
     
  4. Ozzy Manson

    Ozzy Manson Well-Known Member

    yeah, i'm really not too sure why i use... i guess it's just to get that happy feeling when i can. It's all kind of ironic in a way because like the quiz thing said even though it doesn't know me, last year (7th grade) i wouldn't have ever thought of touching a cigarette, booze, or any drugs for that matter. But then this year i'm into and on every thing i can get, i spend a lot of time at one friends house and we get high, drink, smoke and play games every night. I know for sure that my main reason for doing it is probably to get that happy feeling, cuz when ever i come off that high or stop being happy i go right out and do more as i know if i don't then i'll just to sit alone in my corner in my room and cut the hell out of my arm... I know i don't want the happy to go away because i enjoy being happy, and i am not in a relationship with anybody haven't been for a while so i kind of miss that happy....
     
  5. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    i used to enjoy that happy feeling too whenever i used, but i'll be honest with ya i'm much happier now since i have stopped than i did while i was using. why do i say that? well, because when you think about it using mostly consists of manipulating situations, sometimes lying, regret, not even to mention the financial binds it can lead to if it hasn't already, and that list can go on. i've always been a pretty straight forward type of person, but in the end i didn't like the person it made me become.
     
  6. lonercarrot

    lonercarrot Well-Known Member

    Well you're very young, kids do this stuff all the time... I remember when I was your age I got drunk as much as I could, almost weekly if not more, only because it was fun. When I was 18 and could buy legally and it lost a lot of appeal for me... It's pretty normal for teenagers to do these sorts of things, maybe it's nothing to worry about, but now would be a good time to develop self control
     
  7. Ozzy Manson

    Ozzy Manson Well-Known Member

    I will say there is definatly a lot of lying involved, whether it's to my parents as to why i smell like smoke and booze, or to my friends when i get pinned to the wall during passing period and questioned as to what i have done recently, my friends have adapted to how i talk and act when I've been using though so they can see right through me when i claim to have done nothing....as for the financial side i haven't run into problems yet really, i make $30 a week walking dogs and watering plants so i can buy some stuff, but mostly my friends provide everything at little or no cost. I must say that the person all these drugs make me is a very interesting one, i can never walk with out staggering, i can't talk too good, and i'm either really spaced out or like only 10% there all the time...
    I guess it is pretty common for kids my age to do this, but i think my friends are worried about the quantities i do and how often i use, also because they don't do anything but their parents do and they don't want me to be like this haha. I think like you said lonercarrot that learning self control would be good, but that is something that i have never really had, and i am terrible at. I definatly have a very very addictive personalty...
     
  8. lonercarrot

    lonercarrot Well-Known Member

    Self control isn't something people are born with, kids don't have a regulatory system. It's something you have to develop on your own.
    I wouldn’t worry about ODing on weed, though, or even smoking or drinking or partying too much. The way I look at it is you’re young right now and at this time of your life you have few responsibilities.. You won’t be able to do stuff like this when you’re older and have a job, are in college, etc. have fun doing it now while you still can.
     
  9. Ozzy Manson

    Ozzy Manson Well-Known Member

    very true, i don't have any responsibilities really..... kind of doubt i'll be going to college though lol guess unless i run into any issues i may as well stay on this run of highs haha hopefully my friends won't kill me first! oh well, i'm bound to die anyways.
     
  10. anony

    anony Member

    You are in 8th grade? I think you should try to see someone and find out why when you are sober you feel like being alone and cutting yourself. You cannot just keep getting high forever and conveniently die from it.
    You won't die, the drugs will stop working. Then you will try to find other ones but eventually even the strongest drugs stop making you happy. You need to create a future for yourself. This doesn't mean you have to quit using drugs. Most drugs in themselves will not destroy you.(Cigarettes/Alcohol will slowly) They will make your mental disorders worse though, especially if you don't get them treated. If you can see a psychiatrist you may be able to get medicated and learn to be happy without other drugs. Or maybe just talking to a therapist could help, maybe there are factors in your life that are causing you to feel this way. The fact that you have friends that care about you is awesome. It is hard to even imagine what your future holds, don't give up so easily.

    Drugs can stop working amazingly fast. There is nothing more depressing than having a drug stop working on you, in my opinion. That's why you have to find something not drug-related that makes you happy, that way you can use drugs occasionally without ruining them. I'd stop the cigarettes though, those stopped working the quickest for me and they are worse than any drug and more addictive despite their weak effect.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 13, 2010
  11. Ozzy Manson

    Ozzy Manson Well-Known Member

    yeah i'm in 8th grade. I never have really seen anybody or talked to nobody. I hardly even talk to the people i see everyday, and i run away from the ones who try to hug me.... As for making a future for myself, i don't think anybody right now really thinks i have a future. It appears to be pretty common knowledge that i am not school or college material. According to some I'll be the one that ends up in jail, or living at somebody else's place doing drugs in the basement. I know i should stop smoking and drinking, but i guess i just like it too much..doing so makes things hard though cuz i have to constantly change what i'm wearing so i don't get caught.
     
  12. anony

    anony Member

    Well, you remind me of my mindset at that age. When I was in 8th grade and we were asked what we would become when we grew up, I said I would be a bum. And that's exactly what I became. It's really easy at that age to talk about your future like that, at least it was for me, but when it comes true it's not so easy anymore. You are college material, if you want to be. I know this is a cliche but you can really become whatever you want in life. It's not about what others think about you, it's all about what you think. If you are looking for happiness, drugs(including cigs/alcohol) will work for the short term until they change your brain chemistry for the worse. The mechanism of action of drugs imitate other things. Socializing with people, eating food, having sex, feeling appreciated, being in love, these things release dopamine, serotonin and other neurochemicals exactly like drugs, the only difference is that these acts actually are healthy for the brain and refresh the receptors responsible for pleasure, whereas drugs create tolerance in the receptors, basically making you tolerant to pleasure. Having a real life is the best way to get the most happiness out of life.

    I really think you should find someone to talk to, not a friend or family member, but a professional. They can either help you get off drugs, or if you'd rather not talk to someone about that, they could just help you to understand why you feel like you do normally.(sober)

    Either way, whatever you decide to do, I really hope you don't end up like me. I would never give up my drug use, but if I could go back to your age and do things over, I would of gone to college, gotten a nice job, found a girl, and use drugs occasionally in my free time.
     
  13. Ozzy Manson

    Ozzy Manson Well-Known Member

    I probably would benefit from talking to somebody that's professional, but there are some factors that i know kinda keep me from doing that...first is that since i'm kinda scared of people and all, i wouldn't really be able to convince myself to get help from one of the staff at school, and also if i wanted to go see them my parents would find out and i can;t have something like that happening..... I guess like you said the drugs kinda in a way take place of the things that normally make you happy, like loving somebody, people caring about you and socializing. and in my life i'm scared of those people outside of my 2 or 3 friends, my dad hates me and my mom is hardly ever around. even when my dad is home i'm to scared to be there at the same time without my mom there, so i usually go to friends house to do drugs or go hang out at the gas station where i kind of made friends with the employees there. I like going to the gas station a lot cuz i can relate to the people who work there, and on they're smoke breaks they come hang out with me and give me some candy and smokes.... I know that i could have a better future than being a bum, i can make computers do almost anything for me, and i am real good at math when i feel like doing it. It's hard to say what will become of me, maybe i'll end up in jail for drugs or from something more computer related lol
     
  14. anony

    anony Member

    Sorry about taking so long to respond. I know at my old school they had someone you could talk to and they weren't allowed to tell your parents anything you told them, maybe they have something like that at your school.
    Sorry to hear about your situation with your parents. School is definitely a nice escape from parents, if you do well in high school you can get money towards college, etc. You sound pretty intelligent for being in 8th grade, fairly perceptive, you would probably do well. Not that school/getting a job is going to fix everything.

    Why are you scared to be with your dad alone? Is he abusive?
     
  15. Ozzy Manson

    Ozzy Manson Well-Known Member

    I'll have to look into if there is a staff member at my school that wouldn't contact my parents....perhaps i could ask the principle on monday, I am good friends with her. and no worries about not getting back here for a while, i have had quite the chaotic week and haven't been on much myself. I agree, school is definatly a good escape from the parents, and for me i don't mind showing up so much because there i know i have my good friends who care about me and the teachers who relate to my situations with my parents and such. Also thanks for the compliment on my being "intelligent" for and 8th grader, i sometimes like to think i am pretty smart, but my grades don't in any form reflect such things. I think high school sounds like fun, so many more options to choose from. Perhaps next year if i try a little harder i can get some good grades for once.
    As for why I'm scared to be alone with my dad, is because we have a rather long history of not getting along.... He makes it very clear that he doesn't like me and wishes i wasn't here so to say, to be honest if i had a choice i wouldn't be here either, make things easier overall if i wasn't. He gets mad at me over almost anything, never a kind word or any of encouragement will you strangle out of him, let alone and gestures of any affection.... As for whether or not he is abusive, it would rely on your definition of "abuse" or what you consider to be abusive. if you go with the typical type of abuse, as in physical or sexual, then no he is not abusive aside from an occasional Gib slap when i make a mistake or do something major stupid,if you watch NCIS then you would know what a Gib slap is lol. On the verbal level i guess that some of the things he said could be considered abuse, but most of the time he is just informing me, through yelling and sarcasm, that i did something wrong, or i'm stupid, i'm messy and that i will never go to college. Still though it would depend on ones definition of abuse/ abusiveness.
     
  16. anony

    anony Member

    That's cool that you are friends with the principle and some teachers at school. Hope you can find somebody to talk to.

    About your grades, they won't really affect your future until high school anyways, so that's a good time to start getting serious. There is definitely tons options in high school, lots of things to get involved with after school as well.

    And yes, I know of the gib slap. :D NCIS is fun to watch. That sucks that your dad is like that. Sounds like a guy who'll scare away potential boy/girl friends too. If he is always saying you are stupid and won't goto college, you should use that as motivation to do well. You can use school to not only get out of the house more, but to prove him wrong as well, maybe get some scholarship to help pay for college and get you out of the house when you are 18.

    Not that just escaping home is necessarily the best answer, maybe you could eventually talk to your parents and improve your home life a bit. As you get older and closer to 18, your relationship with your parents will start changing. They'll have less power over you and often when they realize their kids are growing up and eventually going to leave home, they might become a little more considerate.
     
  17. Ozzy Manson

    Ozzy Manson Well-Known Member

    It's definitely pretty cool being friends with the principle haha she always checks in on me during lunch and says that before the end of the year she is going to convince me not to wear a black shirt for just one day. I wish her luck on that :p
    I probably should start working on getting serious about my grades, 8th grade is over in like 6 weeks. then on to high school.... At least in High school i will be able to finally do a wood shop/ metal shop class, that will be awesome.

    NCIS is very fun to watch ^_^ it's one of my favorite shows along with the mentalist and criminal minds. He already scares away everybody, none of my friends will come over not just as they don't want to after hearing him yell at me through the phone, but also because i am scared to have them over for making him eve more upset. Surprisingly he didn't scare off a girl friend i had a while ago, she could care less about the person screaming at her because she knows she could kick there ass very quickly. And a boyfriend a longer time ago he was actually pretty nice to. But those were in a way special circumstances because the guy didn't come over much and that was like 2 years ago when my dad wasn't this bad... using school to prove him wrong is a good idea, perhaps i can finally make him understand i do have at least half of a brain in my skull some where.

    I'm sure as i get older things will probably start to improve little by little, especially when i can drive because i can just go anywhere i want and just have to be home at night so they don't think i ran away....that will be nice.
     
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