I guess you could say I'm always in crisis mode. Suicide is always in my head, if not the forefront. It could happen today, next month, next year. It's all a matter of a really good trigger. I came close recently. One of my cats died. My cats are family. They're my only friends. She wasn't old and it didn't happen just like that. She started to get sick and just got worse. She had a tumor in her brain. I still love the other three just the same and show them the same amount of attention. It's just a constant reminder every time I look at them especially since one of them is her brother. I've dealt with depression for more than twenty years. I've sought help through most of those years. I've taken different meds. I've been in counseling. Nothing has helped. I quit going to my psychiatrist about three months ago. I've just given up for the most part. Obviously I still hold out some hope, or I'd be gone but my hope dwindles by the day. I'm in a really bad situation that's a constant contribution to my depression. I'm definitely not ready to talk about that. I'm not in trouble with the law or anything like that. I don't know what else to say. I'm so lonely, hurt, angry, sad.