Maybe today, maybe next year

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by UnkelHeit, Jul 10, 2010.

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  1. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    I guess you could say I'm always in crisis mode. Suicide is always in my head, if not the forefront. It could happen today, next month, next year. It's all a matter of a really good trigger. I came close recently. One of my cats died. My cats are family. They're my only friends. She wasn't old and it didn't happen just like that. She started to get sick and just got worse. She had a tumor in her brain. I still love the other three just the same and show them the same amount of attention. It's just a constant reminder every time I look at them especially since one of them is her brother.

    I've dealt with depression for more than twenty years. I've sought help through most of those years. I've taken different meds. I've been in counseling. Nothing has helped. I quit going to my psychiatrist about three months ago. I've just given up for the most part. Obviously I still hold out some hope, or I'd be gone but my hope dwindles by the day.

    I'm in a really bad situation that's a constant contribution to my depression. I'm definitely not ready to talk about that. I'm not in trouble with the law or anything like that. I don't know what else to say. I'm so lonely, hurt, angry, sad.
     
  2. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Im sorry about your situation. I just said a prayer for you ,why dont you too???? I had a cat for 19 years and she died in my arms many years ago, It was such a loss for me. So I send my sympathy to you. HAve you tired some of the less ocnventional metods for help. EMDR and Tapping for trauma and depression? They do work. It takes time though. There is always HOPE. Just keep trying and pray for answers. Thats why I do.

    You dont have to be lonely. I will be your friend. You are always welcome to write me.

    We will offer you help here. Love and care and hope too. Tell us more about your situation. As much as you want to tell. DONT GIVE UP. There is hope and love and happines here for you!!!!

    Write me,

    Marty
     
  3. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend

    I completely get where you are coming from you fight the same thoughts each day it is like you are hanging on by threads, eventually those threads wear thin and it takes something just to snap them and those thoughts become all to real and scary. I am truly sorry you feel like this, but please know they are just thoughts there is a part of you that wants to get better and healthy like me it sounds like you have had bad luck with your treatment, and need to find what is right for you, in order to get better, I really hope you keep trying and keep seeking help and hopefully things will start to improve, in the meanwhile we are all here to listen and to help you and hopefully these thoughts will start to be pushed to the back of your mind.
     
  4. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    Marty, I've never heard of those methods but I'll look them up. I have even considered ECT. That's just not an easy decision to make. There's too many ifs and buts. I've also seen the effect it has on some people.

    Rich, I just looked back in on your meh thread. It's unbelievable with what you're going through that you're still on here trying to help others. We don't know each other but that doesn't matter. I'll be thinking about you and your sister.

    I'm having a pretty bad day and my mind is blank. Maybe I'll post more later. Thanks for the words, both of you.
     
  5. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I personally take everything to Yawheh in prayer. I focus on my relationship with him, and aim to please him, and life for me is great! My heart goes out to you for your cat family. Blessings..
     
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi UnkelHeit. I'm sorry to hear about the death of your cat. I'm sure you really loved her. I think it would be beneficial for your healing if you would open up and discuss the situation that you're in. We won't judge you or anything. Please don't give up hope. :hug:
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    :hugtackles: For the kitty, I know exactly how you feel. My first kitty died last year. I almost ended it myself. Like your kitty mine was really sick too. I can take solice in knowing that her last moments were spent cuddling with me. However, it hurts to know she is gone.

    You still have your other kitties, so do not give up. Kitties can live for a long time. My first kitty was 19 when she went. :hug: stay strong hun, for your kitties, your best buds.
     
  8. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the further words. I'm sorry for your loss Forgotten Man.

    Today was rough. I just wanted to, well be gone, whatever it took. I know every day I'm still alive it's a win. That doesn't give me any sense of accomplishment. It doesn't do anything for me. I'm sure most of you can understand that.

    I'm sure eventually I'll open up about my situation. If people can talk about being sexually abused I should be able to talk about this. Perhaps I'll write it in a text and post it before I can change my mind.
     
  9. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Please tell us Unkel.

    ALso please look into those techniques.

    Sending love and prayers,

    Marty
     
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