Maybe tonight

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kezzie, Aug 26, 2013.

  1. Kezzie

    Kezzie Well-Known Member

    Is it worth it? That's a question asked all day everyday, and most people would answer yes. I'm not so sure.It hurts, inside, where no one can see, where no one can hear the screams. The pain, the fear, the anger, its always there! It never leaves. Sometimes the only way to make it stop, even just for a little while, is to make the outside match the inside. I tell myself just ONCE! But I know in my heart that just once won't be enough to make it go away. To make it stop. It won't last though, it can't, but right then and there I don't care. It hurts too much. There has to be something to make this all go away for good! To make it stop. And in my heart of hearts I know the answer. You see its hard. When these feelings hit. My mind turns into this giant hole, where I become trapper. Scared, angry, lonely. Its like a video. Constantly on repeat, displaying the last however many years of my life. But only the negatives. Because at that time, happiness doesn't exist. It never has and it never will. You're just lost in your negativity. But as everyone else says, I am an attention seeker, a whiner, a freak! They're not wrong either and i agree with their opinions. I DESERVE TO FEEL LIKE THIS!!! This is how my life is destined to be. Because I am too weak, too afraid, and too damn selfish to remove my worthless existence from this planet and allow those who truly deserve it more room to grow. I am a nobody, a nothing. But I still cannot bring myself to end it. Well, maybe tonight's the night. Maybe now I finally have to courage and the knowledge to leave this world. To allow everyone else an opportunity to be happy by removing the poison from the world. By removing me. Maybe tonight, I am finally ready!
     
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    You are a human being and no matter what has happened in your past, you still deserve happiness just like everyone else. We can all be selfish. When I feel suicidal, I get down on myself as well because I know it would be a selfish thing to do. But feeling guilt about this just adds to the cycle. You are a person and you deserve to feel relief. Stay around here longer and keep talking! :love_heart:
     
  3. nothing.1

    nothing.1 Member

    I know how you feel when you say " someone else can be here have room to grow". But the thing is that YOU were meant to be here for a reason and that I believe you can get through anything. I believe in you you are strong and you are beautiful and you are not worthless and a waste of space. I'm here for you, stay strong love