I DON'T wanna die.I really don't.I don't think much of dying.It doesn't scare me but neither is it tempting me....but I can't stand living anymore.I just wanna sleep and never wake up again.It;s the only way everything will go away. I DID FIGHT.For 30 years.I think I am almost done with fighting though.I am tired,I have no energy left,I don't see a way out. Therapy is not for me.Nor is medication,been there,done that.It's just not my thing and I don't trust it anymore.I had some hope left......I hoped there is still compassion,understanding and love out there.I was wrong. I always had and still have to deal with an abusive father,a cowardly mother.Things will never change and I can't leave home now,I have no job,no house,NOTHING because they tricked me into staying at home and helping them out. I was bulimic for 12 years,I fought that ALONE and I am okay now. I used to drink but I quit after 3 years.Alone.No help.I am okay now. I used to chew my nails.But stopped.Then I began to pull my eyebrows out.Tried to stop that but I still do it when I am stressed. I just can't fight everything.I've tried. I managed to change some things but the major problems still affect me,so no matter how hard I try to deal with the effects and consequences....it will never end........ I thought maybe a relationship and a man who loves me will help me.....it's worse........I can't handle it........I am destroying everything............... I know how all these problems started and they all have one reason.One person.Whom I can't leave(not because I don't WANT to,because I can't afford it ) or get rid off.It will be either him or me,who gives up first..........and I am tired of fighting..........so tired...........and no one supports me......not my mom,not my partner,they don't have time for this......they have a life,they got a job..............I understand that..it still hurts though............ So if they both love X-mas and pretend they love ME then why will I be completely alone X-mas days??Maybe that will be the time for me to say GOOD BYE.