post here if you are suffering from suicidal feelings.... hmmmm so i've been wondering a lot lately, what's the point? Why are we here and what are we doing? I'm asking because I used to know, but it seems I forgot. This life used to be pleasant, used to be fun. When you're having fun, it all makes sense. But lately I've been rather low in spirits - for the past few years. It seemed I had it all, great house, great car, girlfriend, lots of friends etc etc etc - but then it seems I lost it all. It seems I simply lost sight of the point, and started getting down. When you start seriously thinking about your life, you realize that it's really all in your mind. Happiness, I'm talking about. In the past few years, I've become some depressed, shitty, angry, sad version of myself. In taking on this persona, I've pushed away all of my friends, told all my girlfriends to fuck off for no real reason, and alienated myself from the world. Now it seems I can't conduct myself well in public, my voice shakes, my outlook sucks, I hate my life, and have a tendency to run as far as I can from anything good in my life. Why? I used to be up all the time, stoked about my life, looking forward to each second as it unfolded - happy and blithe. What happened? Who is this thing I've become and why does it suck so much? It seemed I had happiness, then I lost it. Where'd it go? Happiness is one of the things that you can never find when you're looking for it. Now the only thoughts going through my head are "What the fuck, why am I here? Why does everything have to suck so much? Why am I always broke and down, why do I push people away and why do I hate everything?" Now I feel broken, and I'm never happy. I remember times when I could just sit around with my friends talking story and enjoying myself. Smoking bowls and pondering the wonderous things in the universe. Feeling full and content, happy and satisfied. --- Why now can I not do that now? When I find myself in those situations, I just want to run away. Run far away and be alone, by myself - stewing in my misery. Rotting alone in my head, with no one and nothing. Why does everyone feel like my enemy, I don't want any part of depression or darkness, I've had enough, I'm sick and tired of it all. Yay, what a rant. Now I'll sit around my computer waiting for replies from ppl who don't know me, can't really relate, and are just trying to be nice. Sitting around my computer hating life, hating everything and everyone, negative and cynical. Sit around my computer wishing I could just get hit by a truck and die in the street from blood loss or something else grotesque and graphic. Sit around my computer wishing I would die and just end the suffering and the hating and the shit and the agony and the emptiness and the numbness and the pain and the suffering and everything. Sit around my computer stewing in my agony, wishing I would just die. So tell me, can you relate? How do we fix ourselves?