Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by fromthatshow, Mar 30, 2009.

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  1. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    Soon. One of these nights. If I don't come back one of these nights, I wish the best for you all.
    Maybe I'll just get really high. But maybe I'll die. Fingers crossed.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2009
  2. Warrior2089

    Warrior2089 Active Member

    Be careful man, you're a chat monitor. We need you to help watch these forums. If you're gone, people can come in here and post rude stuff. If you decide to do it, just know that we care about you.
  3. Regenesis

    Regenesis Well-Known Member

    Dude,you are better then me.You are stupid if you kill yourself.
  4. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    What is happening that is making you want to do it?

    Stay a while and tell us about it.
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I know you have been feeling really rough for awhile now. You did say that if it got to the place you could not remain safe, you would get help again. Please remember this and do so. You have so many years left ahead that may be better than you have imagined. You need to find something to do to keep your mind off of the way you feel. I wish you hadn't quit your job. At least it got you out of the house and was a form of distraction for awhile. Find something to replace that distraction time. You need the relief. :hug:
  6. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Spencer! I just want to give you a huge :hug: REach out to those people who care about you. hang on to them and let their strength help you right now. Gentlelady is right, do something that will distract you. Come talk to me anytime, and my pm box is always open!

    Please take good care of you , we need you around here!
  7. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean but I hope you dont do anything. It's really hard but, yeah, I agree with the distraction method. Try keeping a journal of you feeling and thoughts, I do and it keeps me busy for hours!
    Take care, we love you!
    Lea :hug:
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Spencer,
    You have been a strong voice around here for as long as I have been here.. You have always shown support for me when I was down..Let us show you that support now..Please don't do anything to harm yourself..You would be sorely missed by many..If you need to vent then feel free to PM me. I am stronger now because of people like you..I know you also have that inner strength you have just lost site of it right now..Keep posting and we will be here for you!!!
  9. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    Hey Spencer, I understand how you feel but please don't do anything to harm yourself. You are much loved on here and want you to be safe. :hug:
  10. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    thanks you guys :grouphug:

    I think I gave one of a my friends a good scare last night because I told her I was going to kill myself. Then I said never mind I'll be ok.

    I ended up staying at my other friend house. I didn't think anyone would really be there for me and it really helped.

    I feel weak because I didn't just do it.
    I feel like the boy who cried wolf because I keep talking about it, and the night when it actually comes down to it, no one will think I'm for real. I really want to die. I feel so bad for keep talking about it and then not doing it. How many times can I say I want to die and not do it?
  11. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    However many times is necessary until you no longer feel the need to die.
  12. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    That is just what I was thinking.
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Spencer :hug:

    Have you thought about maybe going back to hospital? I don't it didn't help you much the last time,but the first time you were there,it helped..what was the difference between the two?:unsure:

    Well,keep fighting and know that we are here for you :wub:
  14. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni

    They actually told me last time I was there more or less "We've pretty much tried everything." Very hope inspiring huh?

    I wrote this in another thread but really one of the only things keeping me going is my friend Katie and the prospect of trying new drugs. I'm constantly thinking of how I can up the high the next time, and the different drugs I've yet to give a chance. When I think about sobriety, I think I'd rather be dead.
    I guess that might be kind of in a different direction than the original part of this post but I don't know I think it relates.

    I'm praying for some direction. It's been a very long time since I've received an answer, or an inkling, or a feeling. Fuck! I'm so glad I have you guys. I don't deserve you. All your wonderful replies. Me crying wolf. I'm going to commit. Then I don't do it. Fuck me! I am so sorry to worry anyone. I still really don't want to be alive, and is only one person in my life who understands that, who is also suicidal, then there's you guys, who all understand.

    It seems as though the understanding and love/support I get here is not limited to how many nights I spend wanting to die. That's not true with my Mom, whom I live with and love very much. When I talk about my strong desire for drugs and death, she doesn't get it. Zero understanding or love, when it's all I need at that time.

    I've always loved coming here and of course my understanding and love is limitless and non-ending for every single person that comes here. I am so glad that I can be "selfish" here. Because I think it's what people need when they're in crisis. And I hope that I make it ok for everyone else to be selfish as often as they need to as well. Maybe I'm not even being selfish, I just feel like I am.

    Anyway, I love you all. So so much.
    :sf: :heart: :grouphug:
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