Hi, Crazy1. I'm sorry you seem to be pretty self-destructive right now. You mentioned you're not sleeping and have no one to talk to...and you're hiding what you're doing from people.
Is there something that pushed you to this point that you'd feel okay sharing about with us? Sometimes talking helps, but it's up to you if you want to or not.
I have the feeling that you're in a lot of distress, and that you don't want to die, but just don't want to be in so much pain.
I hope you stay and find support here. Please try to get some sleep. That will help you think more clearly in the morning.