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Me again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Feb 1, 2015.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Sorry I'm here again. There's no point in repeating stuff ... it just is the way it is, and what it is.

    But I'm here. In this icky place of self loathing and similar. Of feeling I can't go further but not sure how to end it. Or if I can.

    Overwhelming triggers atm, rendering me unable to think or do anhthin correctly it seems.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi hun.... you've gotten past this before and you can do so again, it is the waiting for it to pass that is a killer (pun not intended). I hope you feel better soon, use all your coping mechanisms :hug:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist


    I need to SH right now but I cant. It would help calm and normalize me for now. So sorry. Thanks
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    hold on in there, mo.
    think of a favourite food or smth you really enjoy/ed tasting and try and make it?
  6. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Hopefully the bad vibes don't last. Stay strong.
  7. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thank you v much.
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Big hugs for you :hug: :purplepetals:

    If you need to talk, message me hun x
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I feel utterly exasperated. Self. Work. Life. Seriously why am I still here? Wtf am I doing? Trying to do? Bullshit. I'm so fucking upset with myself. Stupidity galore. More bullshit. Bull. Shit.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    A bad day :( What are you so upset with?? Hopefully we can help.
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Upset with myself, petal. Mostly anyhow.

    I wish I were not here. Alive. It is so difficult.

    I feel selfish for saying this here, so many are in much more difficult situations than I. So yes, the bad and dark thoughts are there. But, because it's me, I probably won't do anything about them.

    Freaking tonight as I go back to work tomorrow. It feels like too much. This frustrates me because I should be able for it. But I don't feel I am. There is a pile of stuff to do tomorrow after being off for a while. And I dread it. Because I know more will be added to the pile tomorrow. And I honestly don't feel I can handle it. Again, I get frustrated with myself over this. Tonight I have myself so worked up its crazy.

    A big anniversary is approaching, in the midst of this work stuff and icky flashbacks that I'm having issues dealing with.

    I feel overwhelmed. I guess that's the point I'm trying to make. What should I do? Take one piece of the puzzle at a time, yes. Continue to try and ground myself, yes. Continue to try and calm through some practices, yes. And then what? When I'm still revved up to 90 and just want to go hide where I can't be found? Then what?
  12. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    I sure do hope that you can find some comfort for all the distress you're presently feeling. I think you're incredible. And I know that that won't do it, but I do believe in you. So I hope that you can begin to feel much that same way too. You certainly deserve to. Peace.
  13. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks mister, I appreciate your words.

    I'm def not incredible and I've no idea why you've come to that conclusion. But thank you for responding, I am grateful.
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