Me Again

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lexicon, Feb 11, 2011.

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  1. Lexicon

    Lexicon Well-Known Member

    It's always fucking well me.
    I don't even know what I'm hoping to achieve by being here. Therapists seem to think I'm overexaggerating the honest fact that I wish I wasn't here. I'm not scared of pain and I'm certainly not scared of death, I'm not anything. I'm nothing, I'm barely present. Except as a scapegoat for things I cannot help, things people find fault with of whatever is left of me. I want to disappear, to go away into a chaos of nothing where nobody will find me and nothing can hurt me.
    My bulimia has got monumentally worse, which I genuinely didn't think was possible. I'm ill and I'm tired and I'm always fucking cold and it never goes away no matter what I do. AD's aren't touching this feeling, it just sits like a cancer and refuses to be shifted. I miss people I've loved who have gone, wish I was with them rather than here despite not even believing in any type of heaven or afterlife, I just believe in the ending of it, like a light going out.
    I've spoken to people, tried to make people understand, but it's almost impossible to stand in front of somebody and tell them, simply, that you wish you were dead. I can't force the motion to start. I allude to it, I try and get it out, I've told my therapist straight out and yet nobody seems to want to know.
    I want out.
    Thanks for reading, anybody who does.
  2. Ouroboros

    Ouroboros Chat Buddy

    Hey sweetie, I know we just talked in chat but I wanted to reply anyway.

    Please think on what I said and know I'm here if you want to chat. I believe you when you say it because I can feel the pain in your words and I have felt that pain myself for diff reasons probably but that doesn't matter. What matters is you ARE feeling it and you shouldn't be ignored.

    I'm thinking about you hun :hug: My pm box is there if you want/need to talk :hug:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hear what you are saying i too have said those words i do want to leave but not be taken seriously I hope you don't leave okay stick around here and talk and get support iknow it gets so hard i know and the darkness can get so black but please continue to j ust write out what it is that is causing you all this pain okay keep writing posting venting ranting it out until it has no more power over you hugs to you
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Please don't give up Lexi. I don't think that your loved ones would want you to end your life. :hug:
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