I'm so tired... All I've been able to think about all day is hurting myself. I have six bruises now, and it's only been a few days. I'm going to need to go to the hospital again soon anyway (like i can afford it though), my migraine is so bad that its making me throw up everything real i try to eat. so its been three days of nothing but saltines and water. malnutrition, whoo. oh, and seeing as i'm still entirely dependant on my mom, it's really stressing me out that she is really sick, and it's potentially life threatening. If i lose her, we (being me and my autistic older brother) would have to not only sell our house but declare bankrupcy and move in with my strict unfriendly grandmother, but i'd lose my (very small) support system and we'd have to probably apply for welfare. Its bad enough that the company she works for is going down the drain and we can barely afford food. I'm too sick to get a job, I can't drive a car, I'm 'the sick kid' in my college class which I'm already behind in, and i really haven't talked at all in the past few days. maybe ten words. I'm just so sick of being broken. I feel like thats all i ever say here but its true. I'm not an emotional person. My 'best friend' has only ever seen me cry twice and and I've known her for eight years. But I just want to cry. And stop hurting. I keep thinking about pain killers. Anything to soothe me somehow.